-First Blood Match: The Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy (Survivor Series)(November 26, 2006)

This was when WWE got quite serious about pushing Kennedy. They made a big deal about him going over a number of world champions. Taker was pretty much the biggest name on the list to possibly go over. Kennedy actually won the first match these two had back at No Mercy.  Kennedy plays the running game for a bit. He tries punching, but that fails. Taker sends Kennedy flailing outside. Into the announcer’s table goes the head of one Kennedy. Taker flips Kennedy over the table and continues beating him up all around the ring. Headbutts. Taker brings him back over the barricade. Boot the face. Kennedy sends Taker into the stairs. Now Kennedy sends Taker into the announce table. After some punches, he tries a dive off the apron. Spine first into the post goes Kennedy. Follow-up includes more fun with the announce table and a punch into the kidney. More shots to the side as they end up back in the ring. Taker places Kennedy on the top turnbuckle. Superplex. Shots to the ribs. Kennedy hits a low blow. Advantage doesn’t last as Taker hits a big boot. Head first in the turnbuckle. Body shots continue. A second low blow by Kennedy. He heads outside and appears to be bleeding. MVP comes out and helps to wipe the blood and tries to get Kennedy to walk with him in the back. MVP then sends Kennedy back into the ring. Apparently, this was revenge for Smackdown a few weeks ago. Kennedy sends Taker’s head into the exposed turnbuckle after getting hit with more punches. MVP comes in with a chair and hits The Undertaker after some dispute with the referee. Undertaker is bleeding… and he’s not happy. Kennedy punches away.  Referee sees Taker bleeding and calls for the bell.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Mr. Kennedy/9:24/**

Kennedy continues to beat on Taker after the match. Just as he’s about to say his line on the microphone. Taker comes back and beats the bajesus out of Kennedy. And I mean a beatdown. Chair shot that wraps around the head included. So glad those have been banned in the ensuing years.

-Last Ride Match: The Undertaker vs. Mr. Kennedy (Armageddon)(December 17, 2006)

Only way to win this match is to beat your opponent so badly that you can put the man in a hearse and drive away. Quite the stipulation I’d say. Kennedy ducks and dives in the first minute. Then Taker gets his hands on Kennedy, and a beatdown begins that goes all around ringside. The assault outside the ring ends with Taker tossing Kennedy head first into the apron. Blind charge sends Taker flying. Kennedy seizes the opportunity until he gets caught and rammed into the post. First attempt at the hearse, but Kennedy sends Taker into the hearse numerous times. Kennedy actually gets him inside, but the door won’t close. Boot to the face. Taker prevents Kennedy from going in the crowd and rams him in the steps. Taker has some fun on the apron. Kennedy heads in the ring and again wants to go out. Taker has none of that. Superplex. Huge toss. Toward the hearse area, but Kennedy applies a sleeperhold of all things Not very often the movie is applied outside the ring. Makes sense considering the stipulation at least. Kennedy gets Taker in the hearse. He heads to the driver’s side where Taker is waiting for him. Undertaker resumes his tour around ringsideand begins clearing the announce table. Kennedy responds with a series of chair shots to all parts of Taker’s body. Taker keeps sitting up. Kennedy lures Taker toward the entranceway. They climb all over the stage. Uh oh. Both men tease tossing the other over. Kennedy actually tosses Taker over. The landing is neither seen or alive. Great camera work I’d say. Announcers are in complete shock. Even the replays don’t illustrate the landings. Thus, the magic is preserved. Kennedy drags Taker to the hearse and gets him inside. He wants to drive… Uh oh. Taker sits up and drags Kennedy through the hearse. Huge series of punches. Chair shot. Taker misses a shot with a pipe. Chair shot to the head, and we’ve got blood. Taker works on the wound. Taker places Kennedy on the roof. This won’t end well. Chokeslam on the roof! He’s not done yet. Tombstone! Taker puts him in the hearse and drives off. Bit of an anticlimactic ending but that’s more the fault of the stipulation than anything else.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Undertaker/19:07/***

-I thought this was actually well-worthed despite the stipulation. Kennedy looked very plausible here, and it almost looked like he would do it. If only Kennedy wasn’t a complete idiot and screw-up. This is the type of match that people would remember making his career up.

-Last Man Standing-World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker vs. Batista (Backlash)(April 2007)

Undertaker defeated Batista one month earlier at Wrestlemania in one of the most unexpectedly great matches in the history of WWE. Since these two had a regular match one month, a stipulation is in order for Backlash. Unlike a lot of other matches on this DVD, this isn’t about people  trying to mess with The Undertaker. This was just strictly about the championship. Taker starts on the offensive as soon as the bell rings. Chokeslam is no dice but a flying clothesline works. Old school to a mixed reaction. Odd how some people are actually cheering the challenger. Batista comes back with a powerslam. Into the ringside barricades and ring aprons go The Undertaker’s head. Right hand and then Batista himself is sent into the steps. Some punches and Batista goes into the stairs. Taker begins working on the bandaged right hamstring of Batista. Sounds like a capital idea. Kick to the head and a legdrop on the apron. Batista reverses an Irish whip and Taker is sent into the steps. Batista goes to the top rope, but it proves to be a foolish move. Taker with a series of right hands and eventually a superplex. Referee counts both men. Punch exchange. Batista hits a clothesline. Another one and the referee begins counting. Bodyslam and a legdrop. Undertaker pulls Batista to the outside by the tights. Time to redecorate the Smackdown announce table. Batista sends Taker hard into the barricade. Batista tries to hit a powerslam through the table just as he did at Mania, but Taker hits a sloppy backbreaker. He goes after the stairs and nails the challenger. Referee counts to seven and we see Batista is now bleeding. Taker lays him on the table. From the barricade and… LEGDROP THROUGH THE TABLE! Referee counts to nine, and Batista gets up at 9.5. Taker hits two splashes in the corner. Snake eyes. Batista hits a spear. Spinebuster. A second spinebuster. A third and he wants the referee to count. Taker up at nine. Taker sends Batista into the corner out of a Batista bomb attempt. Chokeslam! Taker gets up. Batista up at nine. Taker goes for punches in the corner, but much like he’s done so many times to others, Taker himself eats a powerbomb. Taker…just…make…it…up. Batista grabs the chair and puts it to good use. Taker reverses a Batista bomb into a backdrop on the chair. Tombstone! Batista gets up at nine. Taker kicks Batista to the outside. The two men fight up to the entrance way stage. Taker tries tossing Batista off the stage. Batista fights back. Batista goes for the powerbomb. Taker kicks the bad leg. He measures a right hand and lifts him up. Batista spears Taker off the stage. There are a few minor explosions that make this feel more hokey than it should have been. Here we’ve got two guys having a tremdendous match, and then they have to go and do this. Referee counts ten 10 and we have no winner.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: No-contest (STILL World Heavyweight Champion- The Undertaker)/20:27/****

-This was an incredible match between two guys have amazing chemistry with each other. This was absolutely better than their Mania match with the exception of the finish. What a stupid finish. This match deserved so much better under the circumstances.

-The Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V(w/Matt Stryker) (Smackdown) (January 25, 2008)

Big Daddy V used to be known as Mabel, and if you remember  disk one, you’d remember that they had a casket match some 13 years ago. Two questions come to mind. After having such a crappy feud in 1995, why would anyone bother resurrecting garbage like that. Even better, why the hell is this match even on here? Seriously, why? I’ll wait for an answer. Picture the match they had 13 years ago except we get to see Big Daddy V’s tits and Matt Stryker is replacing Mo. Oh, and no casket. If nothing else, Taker’s movements and timing have improved, so that’s a positive thing. Chokeslam and I’m shocked Taker’s back survived. Taker hooks the triangle choke. Big Daddy V works out of it. That’s a difference from their match 13 years ago. Big Daddy V Stupidly tries ground and pound. Hell’s Gate gets the submission victory. It’s a bit different from the triangle choke he used earlier

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/6:11/1/2*

-Mark Henry comes out and says Taker went too far. Henry and Big Daddy V would have to be the fattest team in WWE history.

-Hell in a Cell:  The Undertaker vs. Edge (Summerslam)(August 17, 2008)

14516-

Edge and Taker had a feud going back to Wrestlemania. Taker of course maintained his streak using the Hell’s Gate finisher that he debuted in the previous match (hence the reason for its inclusion I assume). Taker won at Backlash, and this lead to Vickie Guerrero banning the submission hold. The championship was held up, and Edge defeated Undertaker at One Night Stand. The stipulation was Taker having to leave WWE. This lasted two months as the marriage of Edge and Vickie Guerrero came to a close. Guerrero decided to punish her husband by reinstating The Undertaker and putting both men in Hell in a Cell. This also led to Mick Foley’s departure from WWE as Edge beat the holy hell out of Mick Foley a couple weeks earlier on Smackdown. He also hit a conchairto on his own best man Chavo Guerrero. Hell of a video package explains much of this pretty well.

I’d say this is a modified version of the very first Hell in a Cell involving Taker against Shawn Michaels and the one Taker had against Randy Orton, which we saw earlier on disk two. The major difference is Edge shows more aggression and less fear throughout the contest. Still, it’s Undertaker making a major heel pay for his sins. Too many expectations were attached to this match as well considering how great previous contests were. This Hell in a Cell ultimately couldn’t live up to previous encounters because by this time, the blood ban was basically in effect. In fact, the only blood came hardway from Taker’s right arm. The match felt more like a series of spots instead of a logical progression. Instead of focusing a lot of the attacks using the cage, Edge and Taker incorporate more outside objects like stairs, tables, chairs and eventually ladders. It feels more like a TLC match within the cell actually. They even go outside the cell for some spots. Taker even hits some trademark Edge spots as a measure of revenge. Spear, conchairto, and the camera shot that served as a receipt from the last Hell in a Cell. Despite all the craziness, there’s only one way for it to all end. Tombstone. 1-2-3. Done.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker//***1/4

-After the match, Undertaker gets on a ladder and chokeslams Edge through the mat. Flames shoot out. Cute.

-Steel Cage Match: The Undertaker vs. The Big Show (Smackdown)(December 5, 2008)

This match is on the DVD because… because…well, I have no earthly idea. I don’t even care. I guess a third match involving these two just had to be included. I’d say they were trying to torture, but I decided to review the DVD after reading the match list. Taker and Show have their usual match. Punching, kicking, and an occasional high impact move. I’ve seen these two wrestle far too many times. Show breaks out a Vader bomb and misses. Taker with a series of kicks and splashes while Show is pressed against the cage. Show hits an elbow and begins ramming Taker into the cage. While Show is on offense, that’s roughly what he does. Oh, a clothesline here and there too. Punch exchange. Taker hits a big legdrop for two. Out of the corner with a pair of splashes. Old school doesn’t go well as Show resumes with body shots. Taker is prone on the top rope. Show meets him and a battle ensues. SUPERPLEX BY BIG SHOW! Show hits a lazy boot and climbs to the top. Taker sits up, so Show tries escaping. Both men battle on the top rope once again. Taker punches Show continually. Finally, Taker gets the even bigger man down. Taker can easily climb out, but he comes back into the ring for an elbowdrop. It misses. That was stupid. Show gets two. Chokeslam reversed into a DDT by Taker. After a two count, Taker sets up for a chokeslam. Show turns it into one of his own. Both men down. 1-2-NO! Show hits a huge punch. Taker sits up. Show wants another chokeslam. Hell’s Gate. Show has no choice but to tap.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/12:41(shown)/*3/4

-Of all their matches, this may have been one of the best. Still not something I’d ever care to see again, but it wasn’t torture either.

-Undertaker summarizes his own career and challenges anyone to show their face and beat him.

-Final Thoughts: One of the positive about this DVD collection is you get to see just how much The Undertaker has evolved over the years. Disk three showed significant improvement in the match quality area. It’s pretty fascinating to see that as Taker has gotten older and the wear and tear of the wrestling business has taken its toll, the match quality gets better. I only wish Taker could have had a better first few years because as great as the character was, the matches were horrendous.

Based on the collection as a whole , I can’t recommend someone spending 20-25 dollars to buy this. There are an awful lot of matches not worth seeing. While I feel “Undertaker’s Deadliest Matches” is a really accurate portrayal of Taker’s career, I can’t say it’s worth sitting through matches with Kamala or Mabel. Thumbs down for this three disk set. If nothing else, I can at least say to myself “Ricky Steamboat’s collection is coming.” Hell Yes.

Raw kicks off with a recap of the Cutting Edge.  Edge and Orton fight and Edge gets an RKO for his troubles.  This match is officially signed for Over the Limits and the Viper makes his way to the ring to kick the live event off.  Randy is normally a man of few words, but he’s got something to say to Edge.  He knows the Rated R Superstar.  Edge sees Randy as a threat.  It only takes moments before Orton is interrupted, but it’s not what you think.  Grammy Award Winning artist Meat Loaf hits the ring to plug his new album.  Apparently, he’s got Randy’s new theme song.  Randy actually agrees to let Meat Loaf “hum a few bars” of this song.  But Loaf’s going to do better than that, we get to hear the whole song.  It’s a bit slow for Randy’s taste, but Loaf’s not done pandering to Randy and the fans, pimping his new album.  This is embarrassing for both the WWE and Meat Loaf.  Finally, all our misery is ended as Loaf gets RKOed and the Rated R Superstar is quick to come onto the stage.  Edge talks about Randy not liking celebrities.  He’s gone to WWE Corporate.  Edge announces that Guest Hosts will no longer have any authority on Raw.  But, Edge went even further and said Raw needs a permanent GM.  They agreed and EXCUSE ME.  Just when you thought it was safe to watch Monday Night Raw, Vickie Guerrero is Raw’s new General Manager.  What a great “Welcome to Raw” for my first review.  Vickie assures us she’s there to be professional.  The best way for that would be to put a muzzle on her face.  For attacking celebrities, Orton will be reprimanded.  He challenges her to come down and do it herself, but Edge says that ain’t happening.  Randy will take on Edge and a partner of his choosing tonight in a Handicap match.  Looks like the Viper has his work cut out for him and we’re doomed to hear the Queen of Screeching on Mondays.  God help us all.

After the break, Cole and Lawler confirm that Vickie is indeed our new GM and Chris Jericho is set for action.  Should he win this match, he and The Miz will have a shot at the Unified Tag Team Championship at Over the Limit.

Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith w/Natalya

Tyson Kidd is not at ringside because he’ll face The Miz later with United States Championship implications on the line.  No titles on the line tonight, but a chance at the Unified Tag Team Championships or the United States Championship hands in the balance.  Should Miz lose, he’ll have to defend next week in Toronto against a member of the Hart family.  Smith looks like he’s going to be dominant early on, but the veteran Jericho is quick to counter Smith and take complete control.  DH starts coming back, but it doesn’t last long.  Jericho stays on top until the bitter end.  Smith, again, looks to build momentum, but it stopped with a thumb to the eye and a Codebreaker for the win.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Christ Jericho

Jericho wins and puts Miz and himself in a match against the Hart Dynasty at Over the Limit.  Backstage we see Edge talking to Batista while Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler speculate on whether the Rated R Superstar is trying to recruit The Animal before going to commercial.

After the commercial they preview Smackdown where Mysterio & Punk will square off just 9 days before they meet at Over the Limit in a Hair vs. Rey Joining SES match.  After this brief preview, R-Truth escorts tonight’s Celebrity Guest Host Flavor Flav to the ring.  While Truth welcomes Flav to the ring, William Regal is lurking around the commentary table.  Flavor Flav pimps his new show and asks the fans to make some noise for him and R-Truth.  What’s up?  Shut up and get the match going.

R-Truth vs. William Regal

Flavor Flav leaves after his “sing-a-long” and Regal starts off going on the attack.  He fights back and quickly causes Regal to duck out of the ring.  Carlito & Primo hit the ring and take out R-Truth, making some noise on Raw.  As they head back to the stage, Ted DiBiase is waiting for them with envelopes, looks like they got paid off to take out R-Truth.

So far, my first night reviewing Monday Night Raw, this show is a rolling train wreck.  I’d ask if things could get worse, but asking that will only prompt them to do just that.  When we return, we see a highlight video of Eve winning the Diva’s title and Maryse training in the ring before the show.  The trainer wants the former Diva’s Champion to try harder and gets the taste slapped out of his mouth for his troubles.  Backstage, Josh Matthews asks if Randy is worried about who Edge will choose for a partner.  He’s not.  He wants Vickie to come to ringside for the match though.

Zack Ryder vs. Evan Bourne

Ryder is still out to try and impress the ladies since his break up with Rosa Mendes.  Gail Kim and Alicia Fox are at ringside for his match.  Ryder talks about tonight being his first win on Raw in the last night the WWE will originate from the Igloo.  We’ll see about that.  Evan Bourne is no push over, and Ryder didn’t do so well a week ago against Mark Henry.  Ryder starts off with a knee to Bourne’s chest.  He taunts the high-flyer while sending repeated knees, but Bourne connects with a head scissors and a kick to the head off of the ropes.  His momentum is short lived, though as Zack hits the Rough Ryder, slowing down the high-flying Evan Bourne.  Evan is able to connect with another boot to the head, flooring Ryder.  He starts climbing the turnbuckle to fly and Fox gets on the apron.  Gail Kim isn’t going to have that, she pulls the legs out from under Alicia Fox, allowing Evan to hit Air Bourne, his picture perfect Shooting Star Press, and this match is academic.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Evan Bourne

Bourne gets to leave the arena with the lovely Gail Kim and Ryder still has yet to receive his first coveted victory on Monday Nights.

Following the commercial, John Cena is out to finally reveal the stipulation to his WWE Championship defense at Over the Limits.  John’s had a week to think about the stipulation and in that time, he’s thought about Batista being right about how he won the Last Man Standing Match.  Cena is not a coward, and he’s going to prove it.  The match at Over the Limit will be the last time Batista and John Cena will face off.  If Cena loses, he will forfeit his Rematch Clause.  The match type at the PPV will be an I Quite match.  And now, Cena wants to thank Shamus for helping Cena in the decision, otherwise he would have rushed it and chosen something else.  Shamus comes out to the stage claiming he’ll leave Cena in no condition to beat Batista should he come all the way down to the ring.  He asks Cena if he really wants him to come down.  Cena’s ready to get it on and settle things.  Shamus starts walking down the ramp and Batista comes in from behind.  They work together to blindside the Champion and Batista sends him outside the ring, slamming him into the ring post before sending him back in to Shamus.  Shamus hits a massive kick and Batista comes in, looking for a Batista Bomb, but Mark Henry comes down to the ring and makes the save, sending The Animal to the ground.

Backstage, Vickie is texting away while Edge comes in and says he found a partner.  He and Vickie talk out some of their issues.  The Rated R Superstar convinces Guerrero to come to the ring with him, reminding her that if Randy tries something, she can fire him on the spot, and she can be there to see the look on his face.

Tyson Kidd vs. United States Champion The Miz

After a commercial, it’s time for the second big match involving the Unified Tag Team Champions and two former Unified Tag Team Champions.  Should Tyson Kidd defeat the Miz in this contest, Miz will be forced to defend his United States Championship next week in Toronto.  Early on, Miz is in total control early, but that doesn’t last long.  Kidd uses his impressive speed to roll up The Miz and get a very quick victory.

Rating:  ½

Winner:  Tyson Kidd

Turns out The Miz gets to decide who he defense his United States Championship against.  He’s not going to face any of the three members of the Hart Dynasty.  Instead, he’ll face Bret Hart for the United States Championship!  That should be interesting.

Matthews tracks down Batista backstage, who has a match with Mark Henry later on.  The Animal would rather comment on the fact that he’s going to make Cena scream “I Quit” and he’s planning on making an example of Henry after the commercial.

NXT Rookies vs. Raw Superstars

John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, & Santino will take on all 8 NXT Rookies.  Goldust starts off with Wade Barrett.  They go back and forth before Justin Gabriel and Yoshi Tatsu are tagged in.  It’s not long before David Otunga tags himself in and really takes it to Tatsu.  He’s able to get a near fall on the Raw star.  Morrison comes in on fire, taking down Heath Slater.  Michael Tarver charges in illegally and gets tossed into another rookie and out of the ring.  Skip Shefield distracts Morrison while going for Starship Pain.  Slater gets his knees up.  He then makes the tag to Daniel Bryan who John Morrison seems to get the better of before tagging in Santino.  Bryan quickly rolls up Santino and gets his first win in the WWE with a roll up!!

Rating:  **

Winner:  NXT Rookies

With Bryan’s first victory, that made this train wreck of a show worth it for me!  Daniel Bryan gets his first victory in the WWE, at least televised, and it’s about time.  Now all that needs to happen is for Vickie to get a nice punt to the head and I can call this one a successful Raw.

If you missed the top of Smackdown last Friday, you get to see highlights of Drew McIntyre being first suspended, then stripped of his Intercontinental Championship, and finally fired by Teddy Long for his continued assaults on Matt Hardy.  A new Intercontinental Champion will be crowned on Friday as Christian takes on Kofi Kingston.  After that, the Bella Twins are backstage with Flavor Flav asking about his new show.  Vladimir Koslov and Santino come in.  Santino is still pandering to get a tag team together with Koslov, and Vlad simply refuses.  Regal comes in and tells Koslov not to listen to Santino and Flav thinks the Moscow Mauler should hear Santino out.  This leads into a free style rap session with William Regal.  Surprisingly, this wasn’t bad.  It got a chuckle out of me, anyway.  It did not, however impress Flavor Flav.

Batista vs. Mark Henry

Batista comes out to the ring and sits in a folding chair in the ring as Raw takes a commercial.  When we come back, not only do we find out the guest host for next week, Buzz Aldrin, but Henry assaults him with a chair in the pretaped preview.  Don’t worry, I’m sure it wasn’t him, he was in a space suit, but it killed the great vibe I had following Daniel Bryan’s first win.  Anyway, Henry comes to the ring and Batista unleashes on him, attacking with the chair and then locking in a cross-face/Rings of Saturn type submission hold until the World’s Strongest Man passes out.  No real match here, again.  Batista leaves to a chorus of boos before we get a recap of Randy Orton RKOing Meat Loaf off the top of the program.  The main event is next as Randy takes on not only Edge, but a partner of Edge’s choosing in a handicap match.

Randy Orton vs. Edge & Ted DiBiase w/Vicki Guerrero

No surprise here as DiBiase is the chosen partner of Edge and he starts the match off.  Randy looks to dominate early, but Edge tags himself in and puts a stop to that.  DiBiase and Edge seem to work well together, using frequent tags and dirty tactics behind the back of the referee.  Orton manages to fight his way out of a suplex attempt by Edge, but gets a boot to the face instead.  He looks to get some momentum, finally, when his former protégé gets tagged back in, but Ted follows him into the ropes and blind sides Randy with a clothesline.  Orton finally does get the advantage of DiBiase, flooring him and then sending Edge off the apron into the announce table.  Randy hits his “vintage” backbreaker and looks for the RKO.  DiBiase shoves him off and rolls out of the ring.  R-Truth comes down the ramp, forcing DiBiase to run back in.  He finally gets an RKO and Randy walks away with the win.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Randy Orton

After the match, Randy eyes the new General Manager of Raw, Vickie Guerrero.  Vickie screams for her ex-husband to wake up and tells Randy not to do it.  She’s warning him.  She tries to threaten Randy with being fired, but can’t get the words out of her mouth.  Vickie is pissing down her leg as Orton eyes her.  It forces her to resign as General Manager of Raw.  Edge gets up and tries to attack Orton, but he gets an RKO, too.  Vickie high tails it out of the arena as Orton glares down at his PPV opponent.

It’s safe to say that this Raw was pretty worthless.  The best part was seeing Daniel Bryan get his first official victory.  They furthered some storylines, which needed to be done, I guess.  We had a new GM for a night before she tucked her tail between her legs and ran from the Viper.  If this is how Raw is going to be every week, I may have to reconsider reviewing it.  At least I don’t have to stomach Vickie Guerrero as General Manager again.  Ugh, but I bet I’ll see her on Smackdown with Michelle & Layla.  EXCUSE ME?!!  Have a good night, folks!

It’s somewhat funny that I’m going to be the guy publicly predicting how WrestleMania is going to play out tonight. For those of you who don’t know anything about my past history with predictions, I’ve got a bit of a reputation for being – well – horrible. Doesn’t matter if it’s wrestling or not, I very rarely do well when it comes to predicting how things are going to play out.

That said, I do enjoy making my awful predictions, if only because it’s usually good for a laugh or two. So, here’s how this column is going to work: I’m going to write up some of the match history and how I expect things to play out. I’ll predict who’s going to win and how they’ll do it (more or less), and I’ll even tell you how positive I am of that person (or people) winning with the help of confidence points. We can all laugh especially hard when I give one match’s result 10 points only for it to be totally wrong.

Before I jump in with that, though, let’s talk about the match order for the night. It’s usually a pretty big surprise to see the order that WWE throws matches out for WrestleMania, and it’s quite likely that we’re all going to be surprised – and complaining – about how the show’s order. I was reading yesterday about the possibility of Undertaker-Shawn Michaels II going on last despite it not being for a World Championship, and I actually think that it could be the main event. If, in fact, this does go on last, the order I present my results in is the order I expect the matches to go on, hence why one of the World Championship matches is in the middle of my predictions.

Fun fact, by the way: the 9 men’s matches on the show all feature at least 1 former World Champion, which I amazing when you think about it.

Without wasting any more time, let’s get to the predictions!

1. Money in the Bank Match – Winner Gets a World Championship Match At Any Time Between Now and WrestleMania XXVII:Christian v. Dolph Ziggler v. Kane v. Shelton Benjamin v. Jack Swagger v. MVP v. Matt Hardy v. Evan Bourne v. Drew McIntyre v. Kofi Kingston

Given that Money in the Bank is set to get its own pay-per-view in the summer, my first inclination is that regardless of who wins, he’s going to cash in relatively soon. I wouldn’t be surprised if the briefcase holder cashes in at Extreme Rules in April. The fact that the match is going up from last year’s 8 participants to a full 10 means that things are probably going to be even more non-stop than usual, and it also means that the match will probably be a little bit longer than usual so everyone can get their crazy spots in.

The general consensus I’ve seen in predicting this match is that one of three people is sure to win the briefcase: Christian, McIntyre, and Kingston. I’m inclined to believe that it’s going to be one of them too. When you look at the three of them compared to the others, it really looks unlikely that one of the seven dark horses will come out of nowhere to get the win.

That’s no knock against the other competitors, but let’s be serious here – Kane’s career has always been that of the solid midcarder, and there’s no way they’re going to give him a title shot. Dolph Ziggler, while talented and vastly underrated, hasn’t done anything of significance since his summer feud with Rey Mysterio. Shelton Benjamin is in the match to hit his jaw-dropping arsenal and little else, and the same can be said for Evan Bourne. MVP lost all relevance about ten months ago. Jack Swagger, who may be a future World Champ, isn’t ready for that push up the card right now. Matt Hardy – well, Matt’s not going to be rewarded as long as his brother is on TNA. That leaves the big three.

Looking at the three remaining competitors, each one has his strong reasons to explain why they’d be picked to win. Christian was the only reason to tune into ECW during its dying days as he single-handedly carried the brand through just about all of 2009. He’s both good in the ring and on the microphone. Drew McIntyre, while having a very short career thus far, is reportedly a pet project of Vince McMahon’s and more than likely a future World Champ. The only question for him is if this is his year. Kofi Kingston set the world on fire at the end of last year with his feud with Randy Orton before cooling off around mid-January. While he’s nowhere near as hot as he was then, the fact is that he’s the most over guy in the match AND he was the most heavily pushed of the ten in recent months.

I could see any of the three of them win this match, but my gut tells me that Kofi Kingston is going to be the guy to pull down the briefcase. Like I said, Kofi’s probably had the biggest last few months thanks to his feud with Randy Orton, AND he’s got a ton of fan support. When he qualified on Monday, the crowd reaction probably sealed it for him. While Christian or Drew winning wouldn’t surprise me, I just think Kofi’s got the strongest case for the case right now.

Winner: Kofi Kingston via briefcase retrieval
Confidence: 4

2. Unified Tag Team Championship: ShoMiz © v. John Morrison and R-Truth

Typically, WrestleMania’s first match is a hot opener that gets the crowd really into the show, which is why the Money in the Bank match has been starting things off recently. To prevent complete burn out, though, the second match is usually something with a slower pace that will calm everybody down a little bit. And while John Morrison has an exciting, innovative offense, nothing says “slower pace” than the Big Show.

The big draw of this match for me is that The Miz and John Morrison, by far the best WWE tag team since Edge and Christian, are now facing off. I know that not everyone is a Miz fan, but I feel like he’s one of the best heels in the business right now and I’m happy whenever he’s on the screen.

There’s not much to say about the match itself. While the Unified Tag Team Championships are a lot more prominent than either of the tag titles that had preceded it, I’m not expecting a lengthy, epic battle like in the days of the Hart Foundation here. More than likely, we’re going to see The Miz get cornered and dominated by Morrison and Truth until he gets a tag in to Show, who’ll clean house.

Now, the illogical part of my brain that rabidly covers NXT can’t help but notice that two of the four people in this match are mentors to prominent Rookies on the show. The logical part of my brain is telling that part of the brain to shut up, though. Those expecting David Otunga and Daniel Bryan to play parts in this match are probably going to be disappointed. I just don’t see WWE throwing out two of the NXT Rookies out in the match. Because of that, I don’t think we’re going to see the titles change hands. Factor in that Morrison and Truth aren’t really big enough draws to appear on both shows, and I feel like the result here is locked up.

Winners and STILL Unified Tag Team Champions: ShoMiz via Big Show chokeslam on R-Truth
Confidence: 7

3. Randy Orton v. Cody Rhodes v. Ted DiBiase

The Legacy Triple Threat is probably the weakest non-Diva match on the card, and I blame that on two factors: poor booking and unexpected crowd reactions. I really don’t think Creative was expecting Randy Orton to be the face in the Legacy breakup, and so they were thrown for a loop by the crowd being so in to him when the stable fell apart. As a result, the build has been lacking.

A Triple Threat was probably not the best choice here either. I was expecting an Orton/DiBiase match to settle their personal feud with an undecided Cody acting as ref, but when Orton got the crowd behind him, that went out the window. Now, the match we have has two of the three competitors having no reason to fight each other, which means that it’s going to take a miracle for this match to work for any real length of time.

Really, I’m expecting Orton to take a lot of abuse from a unified Rhodes and DiBiase for the lion’s share of the match as that’s really the only way all three competitors will be helped out by this match. Orton will get the “face in peril” pop and his former underlings will get a chance to look dominant. The alliance will come undone when one of them hits their finisher on Orton – let’s say Rhodes. As both guys are going to want the win, there will inevitably be some fighting over who gets the win. Teddy will hit Dream Street on Cody, and that’s when Randy will pop up and hit the RKO for the win. Keep in mind that when you look below, my confidence points are based on who’s winning, not on who’s taking the loss.

Winner: Randy Orton via RKO on DiBiase
Confidence: 6
4. CM Punk v. Rey Mysterio: If Punk wins, Mysterio joins the Straight Edge Society

According to early rumors for this match, the original plan for this battle was going to be Punk’s hair for Mysterio’s mask, but it was shot down because the result would be obvious, given that Rey looks like a twelve year old – and is incapable of drawing due to looking like a twelve year old – nobody would have given Punk a prayer of winning.

By changing the stipulations, the result here is going to be a lot less obvious. There remains a question as to whether or not Rey would have to unmask if he were forced into joining the Society, but that could be delayed with a rematch down the line.

Punk was probably the single best guy on Smackdown for all of the last year, thanks to his feud with Jeff Hardy and the fact that he’s been nothing short of awesome on the microphone week in and week out. Mysterio, meanwhile, has had something of a resurgence of his own in the last year thanks to him being healthy and involved in a number of solid feuds of his own.

I really could see this one going either way due to the excellent build, but the presence of the Straight Edge Society makes this one a little clear for me. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Luke Gallows involved, especially since this match has (or had) no-DQ stipulations attached.

Winner: CM Punk via Go 2 Sleep and Luke Gallows
Confidence: 2

5. Triple H v. Sheamus

Let’s start simply: this match is all about Sheamus. Despite a two-month reign as WWE Champion, the Irish Warrior has done little to cement himself as a legitimate main eventer or threat. This is likely because his title win came off as a fluke and because he was incapable of cleanly beating any serious threats (unless one counts Evan Bourne as a serious threat).

In other words, this bad boy is a must win for Sheamus if they want him to have anything that remotely resembles a long-term career.

For Triple H, meanwhile, there’s pride at stake. Can Triple H remain over despite losing to Sheamus? I’m thinking that considering the relationship that he and Sheamus have, Triple H will not only help Sheamus get that first big win, but that he’ll do it as clean as a sheet too.

Factor in what I think will happen later in the show…well…we’ll wait until later for me to discuss that.

Winner: Sheamus via Celtic Cross
Confidence: 3

6. World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Jericho © v. Edge

You know, I’m a huge fan of both Jericho and Edge, but I really think that the build to this match has been a little lacking. You’d think with as much history as these two have had, we’d have gotten more build up since the Royal Rumble. The groundwork was laid for this match back in the summer when Edge was put on the shelf with yet another long-term injury, forcing Chris Jericho to choose the Big Show as his replacement tag team partner. It was fairly clear that when he came back, Edge would be seeking revenge for Jericho’s callousness, and the Rated R Superstar’s return at the Royal Rumble laid the groundwork.

Maybe it was the wariness of the crowd in cheering on Edge, who’s been a solid heel for the last five years, or maybe it was the fact that their interactions since the Rumble started out as one-sided for Edge, but I don’t think the crowd is all that into the match.

That said, though, I have a feeling that the World Heavyweight Championship match is going to steal the show. Everyone seems to be talking about how good every other match is going to be, but I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to argue that this will be in the running for Match of the Night.

Normally, I’d argue that either guy could take this match, given that things have gotten a lot more even in the last two weeks or so, but the fact is that for the last two years, the Royal Rumble winner has failed to walk out of WrestleMania with the belt. That, more than anything else, dictates who’s going to win this one.

Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Edge via SPEAR
Confidence: 8

And by the way, I don’t expect anyone to cash in the briefcase on Edge, even if Christian winds up winning.

7. No Holds Barred: Vince McMahon v. Bret Hart

I don’t really need to go into the history of this match at all, do I? The fact is that Hart v. McMahon has been 13 years in the making, and it’s one of the most highly anticipated matches on the card, despite the fact that it’s not going to be a barn-burner.

Let’s face facts here: Bret really can’t take a lot of damage in this match. He had a stroke a few years back, which pretty much dictates that he’s not going to be bumping around a lot.

There’s really not a whole lot to say other than I expect little more than token offense from Vince and an absolute beating from Bret. The crowd will be hot simply because Vince is going to get demolished in the center of the ring.

Winner: Bret Hart via Sharpshooter
Confidence: 10

8. Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Beth Phoenix v. Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Vickie Guerrero

Ah, the typical Divas cool down match. Yes, kids, I expect this one to go on after two of the four main events on the show in an effort to avoid burning out the crowd. I may not be expecting much from Bret v. Vince, but I do expect the crowd to be molten for it.

I’m really not going to go into a lot of detail for the Divas match. Here’s what I’m thinking: both champs are heels, and a face needs to be built up. Therefore, we’re getting the face team to win.

Nuff said.

Winners: The Face Divas, with Eve rolling up Layla
Confidence: 9

9. WWE Championship: Batista © v. John Cena

This is the anti-World Heavyweight Championship match, in that the build for Batista v. Cena has been nothing short of phenomenal AND I’m not expecting a barn-burner in the ring. Neither Batista nor Cena are exactly known for their in-ring prowess, but I honestly don’t think anyone needs to worry about this match delivering.

The entire story here is, of course, that John Cena has never beaten Batista. This would normally make me quite confident that Cena, as the golden child of WWE, would get his big win on The Animal here.

Not so fast though.

You see…Batista has just gotten himself over as a major heel in the last few weeks AND I’m usually of the mindset that WrestleMania’s booking isn’t always so black-and-white obvious. Cena’s win here seems almost TOO obvious.

For what it’s worth, I think we’re going to get a decent length match here with a whole mess of power spots. Inevitably, Batista’s going to elbow out of at least three attempted Attitude Adjustments, because that’s been the recent norm for Cena matches. In turn, we can expect Cena to writhe out of the Batista Bomb a couple of times, too.

I’m somewhat shaky on this one, but even with the “too obvious” comments, I’m going with my gut on the Cena victory. Even if I’m wrong here, I am 100% confident that Cena will have some horrendous entrance again this year. I will be able to take solace in that.

Winner and NEW WWE Champion: John Cena via STF
Confidence: 5

10. Main Event: Streak v. Career, No-DQ: Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels

Forget about the history here. Forget about the fact that Taker’s been hurting and forget about the “HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY LIVE UP TO LAST YEAR” nonsense that’s been surrounding this match for the last few months.

It’s Shawn Michaels.

And the Undertaker.

Again.

If nothing else, I’m POSITIVE that this match will be amazing. I’m less than positive of the result, though.

So let me tell you what I’d do when it comes to booking the match. I do believe that this is what will happen, but it’s important to note that I didn’t come up with this on my own. A whole mess of credit has to go to my best friend Jon who largely got the ball rolling on this one (by which I mean he came up with almost everything).

I’m expecting our main event to go on for a solid half hour. Unlike last year, where Shawn Michaels slowly got more and more desperate as the match dragged on, I’m expecting him to get confident with each passing minute. Because of the experience of having faced Taker at Mania before, he’ll find himself more and more in control as time wears on, and Taker will find himself the desperate one.

The No-DQ stipulation is an important one, of course, and it will come in to play at several points in the match. The most important for my explanation of this particular match will be when Taker decides to bring a chair into the ring, because it will inevitably lead to him taking it face first thanks to Sweet Chin Music. Then, Shawn will find himself delivering another superkick to make sure he’s taken care of the Dead Man.

And that’s when Triple H will run in.

You see, the reason I think Trips will put Sheamus over clean as a sheet is because he’s not going to need some controversial finish and rematch. The Game is going to turn heel during the main event of WrestleMania, all because Shawn Michaels has been so selfish since he declared his intentions of a rematch with Taker in December. Shawn’s short-sightedness cost Hunter the tag titles and the Royal Rumble. It strained their friendship.

And Hunter’s not going to stand for it.

So right after that second Sweet Chin Music, Triple H will make his presence felt with an absolute beatdown on the Heart Break Kid. A pedigree on a chair will seal the deal, and a revived Taker will get the win but be none to pleased with the result.

In the months that will follow, we’ll see Triple H take on Undertaker at Extreme Rules, dominate Raw, win back the WWE Championship, and ultimately lose it thanks to Shawn returning (or Shawn will cost him next year’s Rumble). I don’t think this retirement will be a permanent one – instead, Shawn will get to ride off into the sunset next year after taking on Triple H one last time.

It’s worth noting that if that doesn’t happen, this match is a total toss-up. Normally, I don’t bet against the streak, but if there’s no interference here, there’s no reason to believe that the streak will continue. I’d be more sure of interference if I knew for sure this match WASN’T main eventing (doesn’t seem right to have interference in the main event of WrestleMania), but that would make Triple H’s betrayal even more awesome.

Winner: Undertaker via interference from Triple H
Confidence: 1

Regardless of how the show plays out, we’re going to have a pretty strong spring from WWE simply because of the number of feuds that can be branched out from this show. I don’t think it’s going to be a stretch to say that on paper, WrestleMania XXVI is one of the strongest ever. I don’t think it will reach the heights of 17 and 19, but tonight still has the potential to be an all-time classic.

That’s going to do it for me. I’ll see everyone Tuesday for the usual NXT review and for my apology spiel for going 0 for 10 in my WrestleMania picks. Hope you enjoy tonight’s show!

Download above or listen to it live after the jump

February is upon us, and that means only one thing. It’s Chamber time. Time for the WWE to put on two more bloodless cage matches. Last year produced two four star matches and one match in my top ten. With a lot of interest, particularly in how Shawn Michaels will interject himself in the Smackdown chamber, this has the potential to be the most fascinating WWE February Pay-Per-View of all time.

-The Joker narrates a dramatic video package about this being the last opportunity for guys to main event Wrestlemania. Guess he needed the money.

-Live from St. Louis

-Your hosts are three men who should be run over on the road to Wrestlemania

-WWE Championship: Sheamus (champion) vs. John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase vs. Randy Orton

The only awkward thing about this Pay-Per-View is that a world title match pretty much has to open the show. Sheamus and Kofi Kingston start the match off. I’m just going to get this rant out of the way in these first five minutes. I’ve read a number of people bashing Sheamus as champion on various messageboards. I know I’m the person who said him winning the WWE title was the dumbest move of the year, but since winning the belt, I think he’s done an admirable job holding the title. There hasn’t been a single moment when Sheamus has looked out of place as champion. I think his promo work is pretty good, and his in-ring work has been good with the exception of two crappy matches with Randy Orton. But I blame that on Orton’s not working a smart match. If there wasn’t this perception that Sheamus was in some way Triple H’s boy, I guaranfuckingtee people would be far more willing to give this guy a chance. But because the IWC hates Triple H and thinks he’s the devil incarnate, we get jokes about Sheamus not tanning and being a joke of a champion. To summarize, IWC fans can’t make up their damn minds on what they want and are enormous hypocrites. But I guess we all knew that. Rant over.

Sheamus and Kofi have a barely boring five minutes as I guess they had to wait for the “real stars” to come in the ring. Triple H comes in and the crowd wakes up. He and Sheamus face off. High knee and the knee drop. Clothesline in the corner. I can almost see geeks writing about how Hunter is burying Sheamus now. Another clothesline almost gets three. Kofi might as well be dead outside the ring. Hunter throws Sheamus to the outside, and they try to throw each other into THE STEEL STRUCTURE. Back inside and Sheamus gets a boot on Hunter. Attempt at the Razor’s Edge but Hunter gets a DDT instead. Kofi comes from nowehere and hits a messed up splash on Sheamus. He’s a house of fire going to work on both Sheamus and Triple H. Punches in the corner on Sheamus and other clothesline by Kofi. Leg splash on a prone Triple H outside the ring.

Orton in to a HUGE pop. He explodes on Sheamus and doesn’t leave Tiple H out of the beating either. He beats up Kofi for fun before going back to Sheamus. The other three men are down as Orton has fun with the, He tosses Sheamus outside and rams him into the chamber multiple times. Rights on Hunter and he goes into the cage. I personally don’t like Orton, but based on the crowd reactions of late…. turn him face NOW!!!!! Kofi leaps over and takes out all three men. Kofi leaps back into the ring on Orton, but he gets dropkicked. That looked nasty. Hunter in and he punches away. He drops Orton’s head on his knee, but Orton counters with a powerslam. Orton goes into viper mode. Series of attempts at finishers. Hunter and Kofi both get tossed once again. No one has been eliminated incredibly.

Dibiase hits a slingshot on Kofi and clothesline Triple H. Fist drops before turning to Orton. He helps his former (possibly?) leader out and they double team Triple H. They turn to Sheamus and work him over as well. Ram into the post shoulder first. Orton tries to open a part of the cage up and he places Kingston’s face outside the cage. Ew. Dibiase hooks a Boston crab. This will be used for video packages in the future. Hunter and Orton exchange rights, but Dibiase again helps. They ram Hunter into the cage multiple times once again and Orton sets up for the DDT. A DDT on the steel. Hunter is out. Now Orton and Dibiase simply wait for the bell to go off outside Cena’s pod. Ummm, what happened to Sheamus?

Cena fights his way out and takes on both members of Legacy. Flying shoulders on Orton Five knuckle shuffle. Dibiase next. Legdrop from the top on the back of the neck. Attitude Adjustment on Dibiase on to the steel. Orton tosses Cena on the other side. Dibiase crawls back in, but Cena hooks the STF. Orton breaks that up and hits a modified backbreaker. Cody Rhodes comes out with a lead pipe. He puts it in the cage and Dibiase grabs it. He “accidentally” hits Orton, and Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment. Dibiase hits Cena with a pipe. With Orton down, Dibiase takes advantage by pinning Orton. Rhodes looks like a man who’s about to die. Orton is eliminated at 24:02.

Orton glares at Dibiase on his way to the back. Kofi headscissors Sheamus back and gets a Trouble in Paradise. Dibiase is eliminated at 25:31. So moments after pinning Orton, Dibiase gets pinned by Kofi. Dumb.

Sheamus kicks Kofi down with the boot. Razor’s Edge and Kofi is eliminated at 26:12.

Three left after those lightning fast eliminations. Big knee by Sheamus on to Cena. Attitude Adjustment attempt, but Sheamus turns it into a backbreaker. Tree of Joey Lawrence and Sheamus works over Cena in the corner. Cena prone on the top rope. Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge again. Hunter hits him with the low blow. Pedigree and Sheamus is eliminated at 29:37.

I know Sheamus’ elimination thrills a lot of people. I could almost hear the cheering coming from keyboards everywhere. Cena hooks the STF, and Hunter tries to crawl and scratch his way out. However, Triple H has no choice but to tap at 34:24.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: NEW WWE Champion-John Cena/34:24/***1/2

-Before Cena can even put the title on his waist, Vince McMahon comes out to announce that Cena is going to defend the WWE title against Batista right then and there. That explains why Batista walked out on the chamber qualifier and why he’s been so indifferent to wrestling matches lately.

-WWE Championship: John Cena (champion) vs. Batista

Cena can barely stand, but he punches Batista. Batista’s facial and look of embarrassment are amazing. Spear. Powerbomb. New champion.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: NEW WWE Champion-Batista/:33/N/R

-Not quite sure what to think about all of this. Least what’s been going on with Smackdown and the interview from last week’s RAW makes more sense now. I just hate the idea of doing two world changes in the first 50 minutes of a show. Seems to make the title mean a hell of a lot less. I also hate this because it devalues Money in the Bank since one of the key ideas is that you can use your title shot at any time. I certainly hope that whenever they do Money in the Bank, they don’t change the title in the same way.

-A look back at what happened with Bret Hart last Monday. They think it’s the last time we’ll see Bret Hart. I will bet my Wrestlemania ticket it isn’t.

-WWE Intercontinental Championship: Drew McIntyre (champion) vs. Kane

McIntyre has a new entrance that makes him look like a huge star. Kane… oy vey. I understand the thinking of having these two wrestle together. You’re getting McIntyre a big win on Pay-Per-View against a WWE lifer. Too bad they don’t have enough guts to put McIntyre over in 30 seconds or a minute. Crowd is catatonic for this boring match. I’d have taken this chance to hit the concession stand or perhaps buy one of those CM Punk t-shirts all the kids are talking about. Kane uses some of the most boring offense I’ve seen in years, and McIntyre doesn’t help matters when he takes control. McIntyre with an eye poke and Future shock DDT after 10 FUCKING MINUTES! Whoever thought this match deserved that amount of time should be fired immediately.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating:Drew McIntyre 10:11/1/2*

-Maryse talks to French to Gail Kim as they get ready for their title match tonight. Gail responding in French was a nice little payoff to the last few weeks.

-WWE Diva’s Championship: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Apparently, we’re not going to get this match for whatever reason. Vickie Guerrero makes it a tag team match with the Raw divas against the Smackdown divas.  This is the most disorganized Pay-Per-View in the history of Pay-Per-Views.

-Gail Kim and Maryse vs. Michelle McCool and Layla

For fuck’s sake. Why is Michelle McCool on the Pay-Per-View? Oh wait. I can think of one reason. Not that Gail and Maryse was going to be a five star classic, but at least WWE did something to build that match up. This is… there. Also, Maryse might be a terrible wrestler, but she generates 100x the reaction of McCool because her personality as a heel is tremendous, yet doesn’t get near the push on television. Maryse refuses to tag in, so McCool hits the Styles clash for three .

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating:Michelle McCool and Layla/4:43/*

-This show is falling off a crater. Maryse hits a French kiss DDT on Gail after the match to absolutely no heat.

-Miz interview. He talks trash about Daniel Bryan, i.e. Bryan Danielson. Miz and Daniel Bryan will be an amazing pair on NXT. Their interaction could make that show, and they could get one of the best feuds of the year. I’m pumped. MVP walks in and they’re apparently having a United States championship match tonight. So glad WWE announces things ahead of time.

-William Regal walks out for absolutely no reason as the most disorganized PPV ever continues. He also talks about NXT and basically explains the concept to all the fans. The fans are so enchanted, they chant “WHAT?” Then Edge walks out, says stuff, and spears Regal. The one important note is that Edge will choose his Wrestlemania opponent on RAW.

United States Championship: The Miz (champion)(w/Big Show) vs. MVP (w/Mark Henry)

Matt Stryker also talks about Daniel Bryan and makes disparaging remarks about him. Is there any doubt who’s getting that contract? Seriously, the various comments are only feeding the IWC’s anger and I for one am thrilled. WWE knows how to piss the IWC better than anyone, and I hope they keep up the good work in this case. MVP and Miz sure are having a match. It’s not much better or worse than the Royal Rumble. Announcers are talking about Tiger Woods, miserable cities, and NXT.  Miz almost gets three with a nice gut buster. It’s not that this is a bad match, but because WWE doesn’t announce things ahead of time or have any build-up, it makes it hard to care about these matches. Even better than a match no one cares about is a match no one cares about  WITH  a bad ending. MVP can’t seem to get any sustained offense until getting a belly-to-belly suplex from the top rope. The Ballin’ elbow also gets two. Big Show pulls his tag team championship partner out. Henry and Show begin brawling. Henry crashes through one of the barriers like the Kool-Aid man. OH YEAH! Big Show punches  MVP behind the referee’s back, and Miz gets the win.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: STILL United States Champion-The Miz/13:02/**1/2

-They recap what happened earlier with the WWE title in case viewers were flipping back to the United States/Canada men’s hockey game.

-World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker (champion) vs. CM Punk (w/Serena and Luke Gallows) vs. R-Truth vs. John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho

One of the Wrestlemania main events went up in flames as The Undertaker suffered 1^st and 2^nd degree burns on his arm and shoulder. ‘Taker looks as disheveled as I’ve ever seen him. Honestly, I can’t blame him for that. The fact that he still walked to the ring is even more amazing. Punk’s prematch promo is a lot of fun he runs down his opponents and in particular talks in Mysterio’s direction.

Punk and R-Truth start. Punk hits a leg lariat and belly-to-back suplex to get things started. Blind charge, and R-Truth eventually leg lariats Punk. Punk is clotheslined to the outside. Punk tries something resembling a powerbomb or piledriver, but R-Truth slingshots him into the chamber. He rams Punk into Mysterio’s chamber. R-Truth hits a dive on to Punk. More ramming into the chamber before they head back inside. Stroke hit, but Punk tries a Go 2 Sleep. R-Truth gets out but misses a spinning dive. Punk hits a big kick and the Go 2 Sleep. Truth is eliminated at 3:34.

Punk gets on the stick again and threatens The Undertaker. That’s the last person I’d be threatening right now. He encourages everyone to put their hand on the screen to take the pledge. No one can stop him… except Rey Mysterio. Hot start leads to a Mysterio crossbody for two. Big kick also gets two. Reversal into the corner. Set-up for the 619, but Punk powerslams him. If this is any indication for their Wrestlemania match, it’s going to be awesome. Punk again tries the Go 2 Sleep, but Mysterio gets a roll-up. To the outside, and Punk rams Mysterio’s head into the chamber twice. High knee in the corner, and Punk rams Mysterio into the chamber headfirst. They battle on the rope. Mysterio knocks him off and heads to the top of the pod. Punk goes for a top rope Go 2 Sleep. Mysterio crotches Punk on the rope and hits a hurancanrana outside the ring. Back inside, Rey Rey hits a legdrop. 1-2-3! Punk is eliminated at 9:59.

Up next, Chris Jericho. These two put on their usual match with all kinds of fast-paced spots and a little lucha thrown in for good measure. These two good sleepwalk to a great match. Mysterio ends his flurry by hitting a 619. Jericho rolls outside and ducks Mysterio diving into the cage. Mysterio hangs on the cage, but Jericho throws him to the floor. Jericho splashes inside for two. Jericho slows the pace down since we’ve quite a ways to go in this match. Mysterio quickly comes back and applies The End Time? Jericho works his way out of it and applies the Walls of Jericho.

Morrison breaks up Walls of Jericho in a really stupid move. Dropkick on Jericho Leg lariat on Mysterio. Jericho tossed to the outside. Back and forth with Rey Rey and Morrison. Rey Rey goes for something off the top, but Morrison hits a huge kick to the head. Jericho and Morrison back in the ring. Morrison climbs to the top but Mysterio pushes him into a chamber. Mysterio is backdropped by Jericho into the chamber. Jesus Christ, I feel bad for Rey Rey. He’s taking a brutal bearing in this match. Morrison flies over and hits both men. Standing shooting star press on Mysterio almost gets two. 619 set-up, but Jericho gets the Lucha backbreaker. I’m not a Lucha fan, but I love that spot. Looks so brutal. Morrison with a huge kick to the face of Jericho. Mysterio headscissors Morrison into the middle turnbuckle. He tries another hurancanrana off the top, but Morrison counters and gets the Starship Pain. Morrison is eliminated at 20:02. Jericho applies the Walls of Jericho as…

Undertaker comes in and goes nuts. Poor Morrison takes a clothesline over the top and I thought his neck might get snapped. ‘Taker tries a double chokeslam, but Jericho and Morrison hit a suplex on ‘Taker.  Jericho tries slapping ‘Taker and then hiding. ‘Taker breaks the damn door and goes after Jericho with a flurry of rights. I’ve never been so glad to not be a wrestler. Splash on Morrison in the corner. Another. Snakes eyes, but Morrison hits a chuck kick. He sells the ankle that’s been bothering him the last couple weeks on Smackdown. Starship Pain but ‘Taker gets the knee up. ‘Taker sits up, so Jericho goes back into the chamber and hides. Smart move says I. ‘Taker throws Morrison over the top and works him over. Set-up for The Last Ride. Jericho spears ‘Taker into the chamber as Morrison hangs. ‘Taker with a blind charge and he misses. Jericho and Morrison head back inside the ring. Knee by Morrison gets two. Morrison tries a leap. ‘Taker chokeslams him into the steel Good Lord. ‘Taker brings him back in the ring and simply pins him. Morrison is done at 28:25.

It comes down to these two. Jericho stalls as the crowd gets behind both men. ‘Taker with a series of strikes and kicks. He misses a big kick and is prone on the top rope.  Superplex that looked like it sucked for both men.  Jericho almost gets two. ‘Taker goes for a chokeslam, but Jericho rolls out and goes for Walls of Jericho. Hell’s Gate attempted, but Jericho ,manages to get the Walls applied. ‘Taker rolls out and gets Hell’s Gate. Jericho gets to the ropes and gets out of the hold. ‘Taker sits up and goes for the Tombstone. CODEBREAKER! 1-2-NO! Jericho punches on the top rope. You know what that means. Last Ride. ‘Taker gets up. Shawn Michaels of all people comes from a trap door and SUPERKICKS THE UNDERTAKER. JERICHO WINS! JERICHO WINS!

-Chris Jericho runs the hell out of the ring in expedient fashion since he wouldn’t want an angry Undertaker chasing him. The Pay-Per-View ends with Shawn Michaels leering over The Undertaker. AWESOME!

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: NEW World Heavyweight Champion-Chris Jericho/35:34/****

Final Thoughts: The main event and ending saved this from being a godawful Pay-Per-View. The opening match and main event are worth seeing, but fast forward through the middle 90 minutes. That was all a complete waste of everyone’s time. I loved the main event a lot and thought the work put in by everyone made it special. Props to ‘Taker for pushing through and finishing the match when I would have fleed to the back like a little girl if I even saw a little pink on my arm. Put this on your Netflix queue, but don‘t bother with a replay.

Let the road to Wrestlemania… BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Booyaka Booyaka, the Ultimate Underdog, Rey Mysterio kicks off Smackdown as we head down the Road to Wrestlemania.  Rey defeated Dolph Ziggler last Friday to qualify for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match and tonight he’ll take on fellow Chamber combatant, the Pastor of Purity, our Straight-Edge Savior, CM Punk.  Todd Grisham comments on Punk and Gallows being in a match for the Unified Tag Team Championships on Monday, which they did not win, as Punk and Rey are in each other’s faces.  Punk starts things off pushing Mysterio in the face a couple of times and then it’s fast paced offence right from the start.  Punk slows Rey down, using kicks and submissions to keep Mysterio grounded.  The pace speeds up again as Rey takes things to the floor a couple of times, but Mysterio needs to be cautious as Serena and Luke Gallows are luring at ringside.  Their distraction is enough to allow Punk to slam Rey back first on the barricade, who then falls to the floor amongst the fans.  The Ultimate Underdog struggles to mount some offence while our Saviro works on the back of the masked man, keeping him on the ground as much as possible.  Rey looks to hit the 619, but Gallows and Serena intervene, Serena distracting the ref while Gallows attacks Rey from behind.  Rey positions Punk for the 619 again, but Punk ducks.  The Pastor of Purity then has Rey set for the Go to Sleep, but Rey counters it into a roll up for the win.  And he then pays for his victory with a beating at the hands of the Straight-Edge Society.  Punk proclaims he can save Rey.  Gallows places Mysterio on his Savior’s shoulders and Rey has a “crucifixion” of sorts (thank you Striker and Grisham) as Punk puts him to sleep.

Rating:  ***

Winner:  Rey Mysterio

This was an incredible match between Mysterio and Punk.  These two can put on a show.  And after the fact, Punk and Co. attacking Rey furthers the Straight-Edge Society and adds more heat to them.

After the break, Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre is making his way to the ring.  We’re reminded that McIntyre is still undefeated in singles competition and was hand picked by Vince McMahon to be a champion.  Drew has a microphone and tells us he’s unstoppable.  He doesn’t care who his opponent is.  Drew may believe himself unstoppable, but not many can stand toe to toe with his opponent and live to tell the tale without a notch in the “L” column.  That man is Kane.  McIntyre says he has nothing to prove to Kane, though.  He tells the Big Red Machine he can have a match next week, but both the ref and Kane disagree with this.  The bell rings, Kane sends a kick to Drew, and this match is underway.

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane

During the break, McIntyre sent Kane into the barricade to take control of the match.  Grisham informs us that according to a poll McIntyre took himself, he’s more popular in Scotland than Sean Connery.  They also talk about ECW and the superstars there becoming Free Agents after next week, but in the ring, Kane has taken over this match.  The Big Red Machine attempts a couple of chokeslams, but is blocked both times, so he clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring.  The two of them fight outside the ring while the ref administers the 10 count and this match is officially over.

Rating:  *

Result:  Double Count Out

After the bell, McIntyre and Kane continue fighting.  Drew rolls back outside the ring to grab the Intercontinental Championship, looking to use it on Kane, but Kane has other plans.  He drops Drew with a  chokeslam and symbolically lays the title across McIntyre before leaving the ring.

Backstage, Mickie James has another run in with Michelle McCool and Layla.  McCool is still at it, making fun of Mickie and her weight.  A big bowl of cottage cheese comes into play and Mickie ends up smacking it out of McCool’s hands and onto Vickie Guerrero.  James takes off for the ring and we go to commercial.

Mickie James vs. Layla

The “Simply Flawless” LayCool come to the ring and Layla is ready to face Mickie James in the ring.  Gee, I wonder if the inadvertent covering of Vickie Guerrero is going to come into play.  Oh, look, here she comes.  Right on cue!  EXCUSE ME!!  Vickie calls a stop to the match and informs us that the match is now a handicap match.  Mickie’s all over this, though, as she works to overcome the disadvantage of a handicap match between here and LayCool.  As good as Mickie is at overcoming the odds, it’s not enough here as Michelle McCool hits the Faith Breaker as the numbers game takes its toll on James and this match is over.

Rating:  **

Winners:  Michelle McCool and Layla

Dave Batista is menacing his way through the backstage area.  He’s requested some time to talk about his recent actions and that’ll be next.  When Smackdown comes back from commercial, we recap Batista’s actions on Raw a couple weeks ago, attacking Bret Hart at the behest of Mr. McMahon.  Following his attack on Hart, Batista would return to Batista Bomb John Cena on the steel steps after a brutal assault on the former WWE Champion.  Then, last Friday, Batista stepped out of the ring and allowed himself to get counted out in a match with CM Punk, effectively removing him from the Elimination Chamber match at the same named PPV.  Well, now it’s time for The Animal to step out and talk to Josh Matthews about his reasons for the actions of the past couple of weeks.  Matthews asks Batista about his actions and the Animal takes his time to respond.  The crowd starts chanting for Cena and Dave sits on the top turnbuckle for a few seconds before leaving the ring with microphone in hand.  All the while, the spotlight Batista has repeatedly requested is following him around the ring.  A fan wearing a Cena shirt gets in his face, motioning the “You Can’t See Me” much to the delight of the fans, and the Animal finally gets back in the ring.  He holds the microphone up to his mouth, then drops it and walks out again, this time heading up the ramp as the fans tell him what they think of him.  He yells out at them angrily asking if they really want an explanation and returns to the ring, grabbing the microphone and dropping it once more, then even kicks it away from himself and heads back up the ramp again, this time leaving the arena.

I don’t know what to make of this segment, honestly.  It really looked just like filler, and terrible filler at that as it did absolutely nothing but show Batista refusing to address anyone.  I guess that was the point.  It furthers Dave’s heel push without him really having to do anything.

Following a break, the Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long came out to address Batista and his refusal to both compete and explain himself.  Teddy signs a match between Edge and Batista on Smackdown, stating that since he doesn’t feel like talking tonight, then maybe he feels like competing.  But first, it’s time for some tag team action.

The Great Kahli and Matt Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty

Matt is in the ring wishing everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance and talks about Kahli always having a great Valentine’s Day, but Matt’s going to have the best one ever as he introduces his special Valentine, Maria.  Following Maria’s entrance, Tyson Kidd and DH Smith come down to the ring and this match is under way.  Smith looks like he’s going to start things off against Kahli, but DH quickly tags out to Kidd and the Punjabi Powerhouse pulls him into the ring.  Kahli tags in his partner Matt, and the Dynasty is ready to take control of the match.  A week ago, Hardy & Kahli teamed with Johh Morrison to face Drew McIntyre and the Hart Dynasty, Morrison, Kahli, and Hardy getting the win there.  Natalya gets involved outside the ring, but Maria will have none of it, pulling the legs out from under Matt.  Kidd gets a roll up on Hardy, but only a 2 count, Matt gets a roll up of his own and this one barely gets a 1, 2, 3 for the win.

Rating:  * 3/4

Winners:  Matt Hardy and The Great Kahli

I’m not sure why Hardy is teaming with Kahli.  I don’t understand the pairing and therefore am not going to really comment on it beyond this.  Hopefully, though, they will move on to push Matt a little more in the near future.  Following the match, we learn of the first inductee into the Hall of Fame’s class of 2010, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase.  I don’t think I need to go into this video piece as it’s run on all three shows now.  We’ll find out the next Inductee on Monday.

After a break, we get the Raw Rebound and talk about Elimination Chamber.  Grisham and Striker thank Cypress Hill for the official theme song.  They talk about the two big title matches at the PPV, and then we see the aftermath of the Rey Mysterio/CM Punk match where Rey got attacked by the Straight-Edge Society, putting the Ultimate Underdog to sleep.  Now it’s time for two more Elimination Chamber combatants to square off as R-Truth will take on the Shaman of Sexy, John Morrison.

R-Truth vs. John Morrison

Truth comes to the ring before the break and when we return, instead of asking “What’s up?” this week he asks “Who dat?” in honor of  the Super Bowl Champions Saints.  Truth and Morrison shake hands before the bell and these two faces are ready to do battle.  Morrison starts the match with some high flying offense and Morrison twists his ankle, rendering him unable to continue and giving R-Truth the win.  Morrison would hurt himself coming off of a roll over Truth’s back, landing on his ankle wrong.  Truth would help John Morrison to the back.

Winner:  R-Truth (due to injury to John Morrison)

Still ahead, Jericho and Undertaker will face off in a No Disqualification match.  We see a quick preview for NXT, which begins in 2 weeks.  And when we return to the arena, the 2010 Royal Rumble Winner Edge is on his way down to the ring.  Edge talks about his possible opponents at Wrestlemania, previewing the Elimination Chamber matches.  His first great line is calling Punk the love child of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake and Charles Manson.  Edge has the potential to face 12 different stars depending on who wins each Elimination Chamber match as well as his choice of the winner.  Edge talks about possibly facing The Undertaker, who is still undefeated (and getting huge pops for it) at WrestleMania.  Edge then talks about his match next week against Batista, but before he can get too far into this, he’s interrupted by The Best in the World at what he does, Chris Jericho.  Jericho and Edge have a long history in the ring and Y2J is out to talk about Edge not mentioning him as a possible WrestleMania opponent.  Jericho calls himself a bad luck charm for Edge.  Chris was there when Edge was injured, but Chris doesn’t get injured, he just wins championships and carries the company on his back.  He advises Edge to choose the Raw champion and stay away from Jericho, who will walk out of the Elimination Chamber with the World Heavyweight Championship (that’s Jericho’s guarantee and my prediction, by the way).  Bad things will happen if Edge keeps getting in Jericho’s face and Jericho predicts a victory over the Undertaker tonight in the Main Event.  Cue those bells!!  Taker comes out in response to Jericho’s claim at a pending victory.  The Dead Man walks slowly and methodically to the ring, as usual, and Edge clears out in preparation for this contest, joining Grisham and Striker on commentary.

Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho
No Disqualification

Edge talks about what it takes to win in the Elimination Chamber, an accomplishment he has under his belt, and Edge tells us it’s the hardest night of the career among other things.  Edge also talks about what it’s like to face The Undertaker.  The two of them have been involved in pretty much every match conceivable.  Striker asks the question on everyone’s mind, will Edge challenge Taker should he win at Elimination Chamber and Edge refuses to divulge the information.  In the match, Jericho and Taker are going back and forth, fighting outside the ring off the bat.  When Undertaker and Jericho come back in the ring, Taker looks for Old School, but Jericho hits the ropes, forcing The Dead Man onto the top turnbuckle and following up with a Superplex.  Jericho stays toe to toe with Taker and Edge comments that only an elite few can accomplish that.  But the momentum swings back in the Taker’s favor with Snake Eyes and a big boot.  The Dead Man raises an arm, looking for a chokeslam but Jericho rolls out of the ring and onto the commentator’s table.  Edge calmly tells him to get back in the ring as Taker follows Y2J outside.  He hurls Jericho over the announce table towards Edge and the two men stare each other down.  Undertaker rolls Jericho back in the ring and takes Edge down with a big boot.  Jericho fights his way back and exposes a turnbuckle, but it backfires and Y2J gets sent into it instead.  Taker hits the Last Ride on Jericho and edge rolls into the ring, Spearing the Dead Man in response to the big boot before walking out of the arena.  Taker sites up and picks up Chris Jericho, who then hits the Codebreaker and gets the win over the Undertaker, picking up momentum as we’re now just over a week away from Elimination Chamber.

Rating:  ** 3/4

Winner:  Chris Jericho

Not a bad match overall.  It furthered a couple possible storylines between Edge and either Jericho or the Undertaker.  I will reiterate my prediction that Chris Jericho will win the Elimination Chamber match and go on to face Edge at WrestleMania.  But before we get there, Edge will make his big return to singles competition on Smackdown as next week he’ll face off with The Animal Batista.

But starting off the show tonight is someone with a bone to pick with the returning Edge, the man who claims to be the best in the world at what he does, as well as the face of Smackdown, Chris Jericho.  Edge’s return to the WWE as the #29 entrant in the Rumble prompted Jericho’s departure from the match itself and he has something to say to begin this week’s show.  Jericho talks about meticulously constructing his return to the World Heavyweight Championship, but in ten seconds, Edge (whose return was “unannounced”) ruined those plans.  He rants about how everyone is talking about Edge, but he’s a con artist.  Chris talks of how Edge walked out on him last year, leaving Jericho to defend the Unified Tag Team Championships by himself (um, hello, did he not bring in the Big Show?).  Teddy Long informed Jericho (sometime before the show presumably) that he has to qualify for the Elimination Chamber, and Chris is prompt to call Long out to the ring.  When Teddy doesn’t show, Jericho storms back to his office only to be met by (brace yourself, here comes a shocker) Edge!  Edge informs Jericho that he’s the reason Edge worked so hard to get back to the WWE.  Chris tells Edge he’ll regret ever coming back, but Edge says it’s Jericho who will regret it.  In celebration of his return, Edge will bring back The Cutting Edge with his guest the World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker.

Smackdown emanated from Memphis, TN and we see Elvis’s home briefly.  Then the Smackdown announcers do a very brief preview of the Raw Elimination Chamber match before Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre comes down to the ring to qualify for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match against his rival John Morrison and The Big Red Machine Kane.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Drew McIntire vs. John Morrison vs. Kane

Facing a veteran of the Elimination Chamber match like Kane has to be intimidating to these two men, and the rivals go after each other to start the match.  Kane quickly breaks it up, but Morrison and McIntyre double team the big Monster before going after each other once more.  Following a break, Morrison is out on the floor with Kane and McIntyre fighting inside the ring.  Kane has McIntyre on the mat, but Morrison comes in to save the match.  This one fall to a finish match is your typical triple threat match where during most occasions; one of the competitors is briefly out of the action as the other two do battle.  The odd man out comes in to save the match and continue.  I personally am not the biggest fan of one fall to a finish triple threat (and fatal four way) matches in general, but I won’t go into that here.  Back to the match at hand, McIntyre brings in the Intercontinental Championship belt and hits Kane in the stomach before connecting with a DDT on the monster.  Morrison breaks up the pin fall, climbs the ropes and connects with Starship Pain on Kane (I guess it’s Rhyme Time) for the victory and earns the first spot in the Elimination Chamber match.

Rating:  ***

Winner:  John Morrison

As I said, I’m not the biggest fan of triple threats, but as they go, this was a pretty solid match up. Morrison and McIntyre have both torn it up of late and this is no different.  Kane has been in some solid matches with Dolph Ziggler over the last month and this match was a great effort for him as well.  A couple interesting side notes:  since Morrison pinned Kane and not Drew McIntyre, this leaves his undefeated streak intact; and (this more my personal opinion) putting Morrison into the Elimination Chamber match basically promotes him up to the World Heavyweight Championship competition, which is where he deserves to be, as he’s grown quite a bit since both his days as part of MNM and his partnership with The Miz.  Whether John stays in main event competition following Elimination Chamber remains to be seen, but I personally believe he’s ready for the opportunity.

Following the next match we see the exclusive footage from after Raw went off the air, but first, it’s time for another qualifying match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
R-Truth vs. Mike Knox

What’s up?  R-Truth is taking on the behemoth Mike Knox.  The fans are clearly behind Truth here, but it’s Knox who is dominant off the bat. As Truth pulls the ropes down on Knox and leaps over onto the Bearded Behemoth (that one’s my own, but Matt Striker can feel free to use it), Todd Grisham and Striker speculate as to the damage Mike Knox could do in the ring.  But R-Truth comes to life as both men quickly come back in the ring.  Truth hits a big missile drop kick and follows it up by bounding off the ropes to hit a spinning elbow that catches Knox on the nose according to Matt Striker and it’s enough to keep the big man down for the three count.

Rating:  ½

Winner:  R-Truth

Ok, I’m a bit bewildered here.  R-Truth earned a spot in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber at the same named PPV, but this match was very short and really rubbed me the wrong way.  Nothing against R-Truth.  While I’m not his biggest fan, he does have some in ring skills.  What leaves me scratching my head is the fact that a spinning elbow to the face from someone the size of Truth on someone the size of Mike Knox just doesn’t seem realistic enough to be a match winner.  Knox is a monster of a man and it seems to me like it would (and has in the past) take a lot more to bring the big man down.  I’m just sayin’.

After a look at what’s been happening between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon, we get a look at the brutal footage of John Cena and Batista after Raw went off the air Monday night.  Cena came out to help Bret, Batista returned to the ring and assaulted Cena, throwing him into a ring post, the steel steps, over the announce table, and hitting him in the face with the steps before bringing them and Cena into the ring to drop the Dr. of Thuganomics onto the steps with a Batista Bomb (payback for John Cena eliminating the Animal at the Royal Rumble).  Looks like Cena vs. Batista will be the big brand war match at Mania this year.  Backstage, Punk is discussing Batista with Serena and Luke.  Punk wants to make sure he’s protected from The Animal because without the Pastor of Purity, the Straight-Edge Society wouldn’t exist.  When we return from commercial, it’s time for the next qualifier match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Batista vs. CM Punk

It’s Heel vs. Heel in this match and it’s hard to tell who has more heat between Punk and Batista.  Neither man is a stranger to the World Heavyweight Championship.  Batista stands in the corner eyeing Punk before stepping out of the ring.  Batista looks like he wants nothing to do with Punk or his Straight-Edge Society.  Punk insists the ref issues the mandatory 10 count while The Animal walks halfway up the ramp.  Batista turns around and looks on as the count reaches 10 and he is counted out, sacrificing his opportunity at the World Heavyweight Championship in the Elimination Chamber.

Winner:  CM Punk

I can’t really give this match a rating.  I don’t think it Failed, but it really doesn’t deserve a rating since there was really not a match.  Obviously The Animal Batista has something beyond the World Heavyweight Championship on his mine and I reiterate that we will more than likely see John Cena vs. Batista at WrestleMania XXIV.

As we come back, Matt Hardy is backstage congratulation Maria for her appearance in Celebrity Apprentice and Maria, in turn, wishes him luck in his qualifying match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Matt Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Hardy’s entrance to the ring is followed by another commercial and when we come back, Jericho is already in the ring awaiting the bell.  Earlier Jericho was upset about having to qualify for the match.  Chris is familiar with the Chamber, having been in five before, but will he make it 6?  He’s got a tough competition with Matt Hardy.  Hardy, the man who will never die, is always a question mark in the ring as he has an adaptive style and he comes full bore on Jericho.  They battle outside the ring and Hardy gets thrown into the steps.  Could we have another count out victory in a qualifier match?  Not quite.  Matt just barely beats the 10 count and the match continues.  Smart wrestling from Jericho, who uses Hardy’s time out of the ring to conserve as much energy as possible.  Matt Striker compares the Elimination Chamber to a Steel Cage, Hell in a Cell and a War Games match all rolled into one, an interesting and accurate comparison, in my opinion.  In the ring, Hardy and Jericho are pretty evenly matched, but the Lionsault can’t put Matt away and in turn, the Side Effect can’t finish off Chris.  Jericho attempts to lock in the Walls of Jericho, but Hardy counters it into a roll up.  Jericho blocks a Twist of Fate using the ropes, hits the Codebreaker and covers Hardy for the win.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Chris Jericho

A pretty good match between these two superstars.  With Jericho in the Elimination Chamber, I will make this prediction:  Look for Jericho to win the Elimination Chamber match to set up Edge vs. Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania XXIV.

Up next, the new Woman’s Champion, Mickie James is out to talk about her victory over Michelle McCool at the Royal Rumble.  James talks about “what goes around comes around” and starts to say that she’ll take on any comers when she’s interrupted by Beth Phoenix’s music.  We photos from Beth’s participation in the Royal Rumble Match and Phoenix is happy James got her moment in the sun, but Beth plans on taking the championship.  EXCUSE ME!!!!  Ugh, just when you thought it was safe to watch Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that a match between Beth Phoenix and Mickie James isn’t happening.  As the official consultant for Smackdown, Vickie is making a tag match right now between Mickie and Beth and McCool and Layla.

Beth Phoenix & Mickie James vs. Layla and Michelle McCool

Guerrero called McCool the real No. 1 Contender to Mickie James’s Woman’s Championship and McCool starts the match with Beth Phoenix.  And the former Woman’s Champion is all over Phoenix, working on her leg to keep the big woman down.  Layla is cheering to come into the match, but Beth sends her off the apron with an elbow.  Phoenix comes back against McCool and makes a tag to Mickie.  Beth knocks both Mickie and Michelle down before leaving the ring.  McCool gets a tag to Layla, who goes to pin the downed James and the Woman’s Champion counters into a roll up for the victory.

Rating:  Fail

Winners:  Beth Phoenix and Mickie James

Ok, WWE, you’ve had a couple of weeks now to try and impress me with your so-called Woman’s Division and you’ve fallen flat.  The match at the Royal Rumble Failed as did this one in my opinion.  I know these women can wrestle, I’ve seen it.  So, why not let them showcase their skills?  After seeing a Shimmer DVD, the WWE just falls flat.  For that sake, I hope Serena Deebs never gets into the hunt for the Woman’s Championship, especially if they won’t let her showcase her in-ring skills.

In hopes of bringing things back up, it’s time for World Up with Cryme Tyme.  The world of the day is King.  King:  Supreme, above the rest, without equal, loved and respected by all peeps and peers.  Shad is glad the word is King in Memphis Tennessee and the two talk about BB King, the King of Blues, and of course, The King, Elvis Presley.  And you can’t talk about Kings in Memphis without talking about Jerry “The King” Lawler.  And Word Up ends with Cryme Tyme saying Lawler is taking them to see Puppies.  With the PG Initiative at the WWE, does this mean they’re going to the pet store?

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Well, Rey Mysterio lost his title opportunity at the Royal Rumble, but he gets another chance against Dolph Ziggler.  This is the final Qualification Match to set the state for Smackdown’s Elimination Chamber.  Ziggler is all over the masked man as he tries to hold Rey to the mat.  The Ultimate Underdog uses his speed and luchadore background to fight out of the possible pinning predicament.  Rey does not look like he’s in peak condition following his match against Taker and Ziggler has the masked wrestler scouted from their match last year for the Intercontinental Championship.  Overall, though, the match is pretty even, both taking their turns with the advantage.  Rey tries several times to quicken the pace and Ziggler shows excellent prowess with several counters to springboards and fast paced moves by the Ultimate Underdog.  Ziggler looks for a belly to back suplex or some variant, but Mysterio counters into a roll up for the win.  Dolph looks for some revenge, but gets a 619 for his troubles.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Rey Mysterio

Well, the Road to WrestleMania stops in the Elimination Chamber.  And now both Raw and Smackdown’s Main Events for the PPV are set.  For Smackdown, the World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker will be inside the monstrous structure with Chris Jericho, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, and Rey Mysterio.  As I predicted earlier, I see Chris Jericho walking out of the Elimination Chamber with another World Championship around is waist to add more heat to his budding rivalry with the returning Edge.

After seven months on the shelf with a ruptured Achilles tendon, Edge comes back to the Smackdown ring for The Cutting Edge to close out this edition of the Friday night program.  He starts off the program telling us he’s glad to be back home and how he defied the odds by coming back months earlier than doctors predicted.  Now he’s headed to WrestleMania where he’ll either get to face The Undertaker (for the time being) or Sheamus depending on which title he decides to go after.  Last Monday, Sheamus got in the face of Edge who got speared out of his boots for his troubles.  Before the Rated R Superstar can continue, however, Chris Jericho comes down to the ring to make trouble.  Chris gets in Edge’s face once more, saying that he didn’t deserve to win the Royal Rumble.  Edge threw Jericho over the top rope, however, which proved that Jericho didn’t deserve to win.  Chris claims to be the Face of Smackdown once more, but Edge countered that with his return, he is now the Face of Smackdown.  Edge is sick of hearing Jericho claiming to be the best in the world at what he does.  He intends to make Jericho eat his words.  The Straight-Edge Society is next to come out and interrupt the party.  Punk gets a chorus of ‘You Suck” but he reminds us that he does not, because he’s better than everybody.  But the big picture is not about Chris Jericho and Edge, it’s not about the Elimination Chamber, it’s about The Undertaker.  Out of the three of them, Punk claims to have a bigger, more glamorous spotlight against the Undertaker, being the first superstar in WWE history to make Taker tap out.  He’s also the first to challenge the WWE Universe to live “One Nation, Under Punk, Indivisible with Integrity and Sobriety for all.”  This is further proof that he’s better than everyone because he’s Straight-Edge.  He proclaims that he will become for first four time Straight-Edge Champion.  Then, the bell tolls, the lights go out and when the return, Taker is in the ring.  He fights off Punk and Edge fights off Jericho.  Taker and Edge stare each other down with the Rated R Superstar motioning to his waist to signify where the World Heavyweight Championship will go following WrestleMania XXIV.  That’s it for Smackdown this week.  The table is set for Elimination Chamber and the next couple of weeks should be exciting as the tension flares up between Chris Jericho and Edge.

-Taped from Dubya See Dubya country

-Your hosts are those announcer guys no one cares about

-ECW Championship: Christian(champion) vs. Ezekiel Jackson (w/William Regal)

Nothing says opening match  like Ezekiel Jackson. I guess the nicest thing I can say about this match is that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I give Christian all the credit for this match not completely sucking it up. Jackson uses power moves to control, while Christian uses speed. It’s all very basic, and thank God for that. Matt Stryker says it’s almost disturbing when Jackson is on offense. I love shoot comments that aren’t meant to be shoot comments. Regal interferes at one point and gets tossed from ringside. One thing that I’ll say about WWE these days is the interference and run-ins have been minimized the last year or so and the referees actually have a reasonable amount of authority. Back inside and Jackson uses more deliberate offense. Some stiff shots make me glad I will never have to wrestle Jackson. Christian deserves a medal of honor and move to Smackdown for making this stiff look passable. Christian finally hits The Kill Switch for the victory.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: STILL ECW champion-Christian/12:00/*1/2

-Cryme Tyme isn’t happy only one of them is in the Rumble so they talk with Teddy Long. Tiffany is also there being dumb and blonde. Khali walks in and they sing “Pants on the Ground.” The Miz walks in to make the segment even more wacky. Long makes a match with Miz and MVP for the United States title… next. I love how these two have had a pretty good feud going on RAW, but they make the match announcement two minutes beforehand with no build.

-Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton have a moment.

-United States Championship: The Miz (champion) vs. MVP

These two had an angle on RAW a couple weeks ago that was really good. Then they got jobbed out this past Monday and I stopped caring. This is a solid if forgettable one-on-one match. I literally forgot everything that happened immediately after watching the match. There’s a lot of squabbling with the announcers, particularly Lawler and Stryker. I don’t think those two like each for reals. After a few minutes, Miz rolls MVP for the win. Very poor roll-up too.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: STILL United States Champion-The Miz/7:22/*1/4

-After the match, Miz taunts MVP before eating a playmaker. I don’t care what anyone says. That is very poor sportsnmanship on MVP’s part. Very heelish move and unless they’re turning him back, I question what the point was other than to get heat back. I wish WWE could just push guys and stop worrying about keeping everyone at the same level.

-Big Show and Chris Jericho have a moment. R-Truth talks trash. Randy Orton and Ted Dibiase have a moment too. This is the gayest Royal Rumble ever… literally.

-WWE Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (champion) vs. Randy Orton

I didn’t have a chance to review the TLC Pay-Per-View, but I thought Sheamus getting the WWE title was one of the dumbest decisions they’ve ever made. I still think it, but while he is the champion, I’d like to at least see him hold the belt until Wrestlemania and get put over as many people as possible. I was hoping this could be a good heel vs. heel match. I could not have been more wrong. First off, Orton’s entrance went something like two minutes. So slow. Then the bell rang, and these proceeded to have a boring boring match. Limbs were worked over and quickly forgotton. The match moved in slow motion at certain points. The positive is the Atlanta crowd cheered for Orton passionately. Instead of writing this off as a fluke, I’ve become a believe in the idea that the “WWE Universe” wants to cheer for Orton because he wins most of his matches and he has a fully developed character that is at least somewhat realistic. Then to compound my boredom, Cody Rhodes hits Sheamus and this leads to Orton being disqualified. Orton had the RKO and appeared set to win the world title too. Bad match and I’m almost dreading a rematch between these two.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: STILL WWE Heavyweight Champion- Sheamus/12:24/*1/2

-Ted Dibiase comes out, and Randy Orton fires both members of the Legacy after weeks of tension among the three men. Not exactly a stirring beginning to this feud. I’m at least curious to see how this is followed up on RAW. BUT I still think Dibiase and Rhodes will get booed out of the building unless something significant happens.  The other positive is Sheamus kicks Orton in the head with a boot and leaves him laying. Least the champ got to look strong in the end.

-WWE Women’s Championship: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Quite frankly, this doesn’t deserve a recap. This is one of the lamest dumbest feuds I’ve seen in 15 years of watching professional wrestling. McCool is a terrible wrestler, a terrible talker, and if it wasn’t for her porking (pun very much intended)one of the main eventers, she’d still be teaching kids in Orlando. Mickie James puts this feud (God, I hope so) to bed by quickly hitting a DDT and pinning McCool and winning the women’s title.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Mickie James/:22/FAIL

The other Divas come out and throw cake in the faces of McCool and Layla.

-World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker (champion) vs. Rey Mysterio

These two had a decent little match on Smackdown a few weeks ago that was fun. I liked this match a great deal as well because Mysterio bumped around like a lawn dart, and Taker could just punch and kick to his heart’s content. Best match on the show up to this point although that doesn’t say a whole lot given the rest of the show. My main issue I didn’t feel for one second like Mysterio had a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this match. There were a couple of cool counters such as when ‘Taker countered the 619 into a near tombstone and the boot right into Mysterio who was trying to hit a crossbody.  ‘Taker catches Mysterio in the middle of the West Coast pop and hits his Last Ride powerbomb for the win.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: STILL World Heavyweight Champion-The Undertaker/9:41/***

-Royal Rumble

I’m not providing play-by-play of the Royal Rumble, but here are list of entrants in the order they came out  and who eliminated them. I’ll give some overall impressions after the the list.

1. Dolph Ziggler (eliminated by CM Punk)
2. Evan Bourne (eliminated by CM Punk)
3. CM Punk (eliminated by Triple H)
4. JTG (eliminated by CM Punk
5. The Great Khali (eliminated by Beth Phoenix
6. Beth Phoenix (eliminated by CM Punk)
7. Zack Ryder (eliminated by CM Punk)
8. Triple H (eliminated by Shawn Michaels)
9. Drew McEntyre (eliminated by Triple H and Shawn Michaels)
10. Ted Dibiase (eliminated by Shawn Michaels)
11. John Morrison (eliminated by Shawn Michaels)
12. Kane (eliminated by Triple H)
13. Cody Rhodes (eliminated by Shawn Michaels)
14. MVP (elimninated himself)
15. Carlito (eliminated by Shawn Michaels)
16. The Miz (eliminated by MVP)
17. Matt Hardy (eliminated by Kane)
18. Shawn Michaels (eliminated by Batista)
19. John Cena (eliminated by Edge)
20. Sheldon Benjamin (eliminated by John Cena)
21. Yoshi Tatsu (eliminated by John Cena)
22. The Big Show (eliminated by R-Truth)
23. Mark Henry (eliminated by R-Truth)
24. Chris Masters (eliminated by Big Show)
25. R-Truth (eliminated by Kofi Kingston)
26. Jack Swagger (eliminated by Kofi Kingston)
27. Kofi Kingston (eliminated by John Cena)
28. Chris Jericho (eliminated by Edge)
29. Edge
30. Batista (eliminated by John Cena)

I thought there were a lot of positives and negatives to this Rumble. Positives included the inclusion of Edge. Having him come out as a surprise made the show memorable and gave the show an air of unpredictability. C.M. Punk eliminating people and cutting promos was highly creative, and my favorite elimination ever came when Punk threw Zack Ryder out after hitting him in the head with the microphone. I also liked Shawn Michaels eliminating Triple H in the middle out of nowhere, and the emotion he himself shows after being eliminated by Batista.

Negatives included the damn thing moving too fast. If these were 90 second intervals, then I’d be stunned. It didn’t help that guys were taking an hour and a half to get to the ring and being eliminated. I never got the sense that these guys were battling for an opportunity to main event Wrestlemania. This was particularly true of the mid-carders, most of whom were tossed out in short order. Dibiase or Rhodes in particular should have at least gotten a couple quality eliminations or lasted for 30 minutes to showcase themselves for a future push. Everyone except the main eventers basically looked like Santino did last year.

Overall, this was a Rumble with some awesome moments, but very little excitement except for Edge coming out and winning.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Edge/49:20/***

Overall Thoughts: Two three star matches does not a thumbs up show make. There were certainly some enjoyable moments in the Rumble, but everything in the undercard felt superfluous and rushed something awful. I’ll give it a thumbs down, but not so far down that I felt like my intelligence was insulted.