-Taped from Little Rock, Arkansas

-Your hosts are Tool Grisham and Stryke

-A look back at what happened at Money in the Bank as Kane defeated Rey Mysterio to become the world champion. Yup, that’s yet another world title change.

-Kane walks out with the title. I thought I saw Steve Austin lurking in the background, but I was just seeing things. Think about this. This is already Kane’s longest world title reign, and his only world title reign came in 1998. Way to push new stars there WWE. Kane talks about winning the belt while creepy music plays in the background. Crowd noise is clearly being piped in. You can just tell by the way people are sitting, yet you can still hear noise. The music is annoying. The promo is boring. A segment dying before your very eyes. The music picks up and Kane says he won the world title for his brother. Clips of Taker are shown What a load of malarkey. Should be blatantly obvious to even a child that Kane is the one who put his brother in the vegetative state. And if he didn’t? Means WWE changed its mind again.

-Announcers hype a 2-out-of-3 falls number one contender’s match between Mysterio and Swagger.

-Matt Hardy and Christian vs. Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes

Has there ever been a worse wrestler with a better entrance? I’d like to see a study done on this. Rhodes, on the other hand, has one of the worst entrance themes in the history of professional wrestling. It sounds like a crappy Bon Jovi knockoff. Hardy is wearing a shirt cause he’s fat. Mundane tag team match develops. Considering the competitors involved, I’m not all that surprised. Nothing offensive but nothing I’d go out of my way to see either. Stryker makes a Bob Holly reference and says when Mr. McMahon saw McIntyre, he saw money. I saw money too. Problem was it wasn’t going to WWE. Rhodes is in the running for worst gimmick in wrestling. Heat segment on Christian. He’s the easy winner in WWE. Hardy takes his shirt off before the hot tag and his ribs are tapes because of Money in the Bank. Or he’s fat. Hardy gets a visual three count after the swinging DDT, but Rhodes distracts the referee. Hardy accidentally punches Christian. Still gets the side effect on Rhodes. McIntyre boots Hardy in the face for three.

-Winner (s)/Rating: Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes/**

-Hardy and Christian have an uneasy handshake. I’m assuming Hardy and Christian are going to start a feud fairly soon, but that would really just be a rehash of the stuff they’ve done 10-12 years ago.

-Jack Swagger interview. He references Eddie Guerrero for the cheapest possible heat because of the Way Rey won on Sunday. Completely uncalled for. Swagger threatens his opponent for later tonight. Good promo other than the Guerrero reference.

-Alberto Del Rio vignette. He looks like every Mexican drug dealer in every mediocre action of the last ten years. Still not sure what the hell his gimmick is supposed to be.

-Layla and Michelle McCool are boozing it up. I remember when they were called The Beautiful People and were over. They give each other jewelry. Teddy Long walks in on this lesbian moment and announces Layla will face Tiffany next week. I’m excited to review that. And by excited I mean dreading.

-Kofi Kingston is receiving medical attention after everything that went down at Money in the Bank.

-Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental Champion)(w/Michael McGuillicuty) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)

Kofi is wearing red and yellow brother. These are two guys WWE pushed for about a week in the fall last year but gave up on. Now they’re both basically in the same spot. Ziggler was supposed to win the I-C title about three different times but never did. Decent match develops. McGuillicuty is tossed by Guerrero as he tries to help Kofi back in the ring. Ziggler controls most of the match and works over the injured neck of Kingston. At least the psychology makes sense. Kofi goes crazy on Ziggler with a number of shots. Clothesline, boom drop, trouble in… no. Ziggler ducks and sends Kofi outside. Guerrero grabs the leg. Zig-zag. Ziggler applies a sleeper on Kingston and gets the win. Considering the complete lack of build-up, that was a blah ending. I’m assuming Ziggler is going to be challenging for the Intercontinental championship. Maybe he’ll even win this time.

-Winner (s)/Rating: Dolph Ziggler/**1/4

-An okay match that is at least leading to something.

-Big Show is a happy and jolly man walking to the ring.

-Big Show vs. The Masked Man (w/ Straight Edge Society)

Having C.M. Punk be unmasked for free on television with no build was amongst the dumbest things I’ve seen in wrestling this year. Can’t really say the dumbest considering TNA’s continued existence. Punk, Gallows, and Serena are all at ringside. For some reason, the guy under the hood is wrestling Show despite having never wrestled in WWE before, and he’s never even been mentioned as a wrestler. Show simply unmasks the S.E.S member, puts the mask on himself, and punches Joey Mercury (the worst kept secret in history) in the face. He of course gets the three count. What a farce.

-Winner (s)/Rating: Big Show/DUD

This is Lesson 101 on how to kill the heat of a feel group. Big Show has pretty much squashed through every member of the Straight Edge Society.

-Cody Rhodes provides some grooming tips. I didn’t think it was possible for them to bring down Rhodes any lower than with how poorly the break-up of Legacy was handled. Boy, was I wrong. If they’re trying to make Rhodes the gayest character ever, they’re doing a fantastic job. If they want him to be a serious wrestler, they’re failing miserably.

-Raw Rebound. Read the review if you want to know what happened.

-Rey Mysterio interview. He’s very yellow. Nothing worth mentioning is said. He just wants to be world champion again.

-Alberto Del Rio, our resident drug cartel leader, takes pride in himself. Then why the hell did you sign with WWE? That’s one way to insure you have no pride at some point down the road. He also loves himself. Isn’t this awfully similar to Cody Rhodes’ gimmick. Considering he speaks Spanish, does anyone want to bet he feuds with Rey Mysterio within six months? And since he’s a new superstar, shouldn’t he have to earn his stripes on NXT? Why introduce new people at all with NXT going on?

-2-out-of-3 Falls-Number One Contender’s Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

Gotta love how Mysterio is basically limping and selling an ankle injury, but he’s still probably going to beat Jack Swagger. I guess Swagger has been elevated somewhat from wrestling Santino at the beginning of the year, but his world title reign was as poorly booked as any title reign I’ve seen in years. Swagger tries to use his power, but Mysterio kicks at the legs. He hits a hurancanrana and dropkicks Swagger on the apron. Mysterio at least continues selling the ankle throughout. After a commercial break, Swagger is in control. He doesn’t focus all that much on the ankle, which is an appalling lack of ring awareness. Finally he hits a leg DDT. Mysterio with a comeback that Swagger counters into a wheelbarrow slam. Ankle lock but Mysterio reaches the ropes. Referee counts to five, and Swagger is disqualified. What a joke. Commercial break. Mysterio climbs back in the ring. Swagger goes shoulder first into the post. Mysertio to the top. Hurancanrana. 619 is turned into the ankle lock again. Mysterio taps away the second fall. I’m stunned Rey Rey didn’t win two straight falls. Swagger rams Mysterio’s back on the outside of the ring. Two splashes off the second rope only get two. He goes for a third and eats two boots from Rey Rey. Series of counters leads to Rey getting a flash pin for three.

-Winner (s)/Rating: Rey Mysterio/**1/2

-This wasn’t even close to matching the quality of their match at Money in the Bank match. This made Swagger look horribly incompetent and like a complete geek. To compound this crappy booking, Kane comes out and chokeslams Swagger. Kane doesn’t attack Mysterio but instead raises his hand… until he decides to come back and go for a chokeslam. Rey Rey counters out of it and gets a 619. He makes a B-line for the exit.

Final Thoughts: The one positive about the show is it set up for Summerslam well. Ziggler defeating Kingston certainly will lead to an I-C title match. Rey Rey will be wrestling Kane. This means we’ve got three main events set up for Summerslam for sure with a couple mid-card matches one could logically see being booked. This was a fairly mediocre show, and the lack of star power on Smackdown becomes more evident with each week. Also, burying guys like Punk and Swagger doesn’t do themselves any favors either.

- Menacing video packages shows the various forms The Undertaker has taken and some match highlights.

-Your host is the voice of The Undertaker I guess. He talks about his two decades of destruction and opponents he’s beaten.

-Body Bag Match: The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Ultimate Warrior (Madison Square Garden)(July 1, 1991)

Even in 1991, the opening bong got the crowd going crazy. That’s when you something is being done correctly.  These two had a fairly important feud going through the summer of 1991. The object of this match is similar to a casket match. Incapacitate your opponent and stuff them in a body bag to get the win. This was a far more awkward version of the later casket match actually. It led to a number of untelevised losses for ‘Taker, but he was still being built as being undefeated on television. ‘Taker tries to get the match going before the bell even rings, but Warrior responds quickly. Series of punches, and kicks, and clotheslines. ‘Taker with a pair of flying clotheslines. Choke in the corner. Warrior gets a bodyslam. Taker sits right back up. Into the corner where Warrior eats two boots right in the face. Elbowdrop misses. Warrior misses one of his own. More choking. Irish whip and Warrior gets his boots up. Kick to the chest. Piledriver. Taker sits right back up. Another piledriver. Taker up. A third piledriver. Taker can’t sit up this time. Splash… no. Punch on the way down.  Tombstone piledriver. Pretty sloppy one too. Taker grabs the bag and almost zips it all the way up. Warrior fights back. Right hand exchange. Series of clotheslines. Warrior hits Taker with the urn. Some great babyface he turned out to be. Warrior gets Taker in the bag and zips it shut.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Ultimate Warrior/9:29/*

-Taker sits up immediately while in the bag. That was cool. He walks out of the ring and carries the bag with him. THAT’S how Taker managed to stay over for so long.

-I could count the amount of moves on one hand basically. Pretty bad match but you could see Taker’s character being established almost from the very beginning. He had the no-selling and movement down pat even at the beginning. Mark Callous never could have drawn a dime in the business. But The Undertaker? Oh my.

-Taker talks about fear, and we shift to the great skit involving Taker constructing the casket while Bearer is cutting a promo. If this were real and I was Kamala, I’d have quit wrestling immediately.

-Casket Match: The Undertaker  (w/Paul Bearer)vs. Kamala (w/Harvey Whippleman and Kim Chee)(Survivor Series) (November 25, 1992)

The pop for the bong is enormous here. Kamala laid down Taker at Summerslam earlier in the year. Taker responded like any man would. He built a freaking coffin and planned to stuff Kamala into it. Kamala is deathly afraid before the match starts, and I don’t blame him at all. The bell rings. Match id dreadful. Absolutely horrendous. Lots of punching and Taker delivers what has now become the old school clothesline. Taker mistakenly goes after Kim Chee and Whippleman. Kamala takes advantage with some wild chops and shots into the stairs. Big chair shot to the back as well. Nice sound there. Kamala with a horrific looking slam. Taker sits up. They do this a couple more times until Taker no longer sits up. Series of splashes by Kamala. Kim Chee takes out Paul Bearer and grabs the urn. He and Kamala play Hot Potato with it. Taker hits Kamala with it. Some babyface he is. Referee counts three for whatever reason. Taker stuffs Kamala into the casket. Bearer and Taker nail it shut.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/5:28/1/2*

-Pretty standard introduction actually. This would go on to become a pretty famous match type for The Undertaker. A solid way to end a number of his feuds. Match itself? Let’s not go there.

-None of the interludes are nearly as interesting from here on, so I’ll skip them.

-Casket Match: The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. Kama (w/Ted Dibiase) (Summerslam) (August 27, 1995)

It would take an entire recap to go over this dumb feud. 1995 was a bad year for the WWF. So bad The Undertaker was mired in a never-ending feud with Ted Dibiase’s Million Dollar Corporation faction. They produced a series of horrible matches that pretty much served as a last straw of sorts when it came to Taker being involved in hokey angles. In this case, Kama stole the urn and burned it down to a chain to wear. One might say he was trying to impress his future hoes. Summerslam 1995 was a one match show, and this wasn’t the match. A below average brawl that gets an awful lot of time develops. We actually see a headscissors from Taker in one of the more shocking moments on the DVD. I understand Taker’s gimmick keeping him around and employed even if he sucked as a worker, but how the hell did Kama stay around in one form or another for so  many years? Kama does nothing more interesting than punching. Dibiase becomes involved and Paul Bearer actually tries to charge after him. That gets a pop. Taker regains control, but Dibiase provides another distraction. Kama rams Taker backfirst into the post and suplexes him on top of the casket. Kama tries a regular piledriver, but Taker backdrops Kama back in the ring. Powerslam in the ring and Kama goes for a cover like a moron. Chinlock. Way to pick the pace up. Kama puts his feet on the ropes, but Paul Bearer shoves them off. Kama picks the pace up and applies…  A HEADLOCK! Belly-to-back suplex by Taker. Kick to the back and an irish whip by Kama. Taker sweeps the leg. Series of kicks. Kama misses a punch, but Taker doesn’t miss a flying clothesline. Clothesline and both men end up in the casket. The lid gets closed, but someone has to come out to win the match. Kama tries to crawl out, but he gets pulled back in. Taker beats him down. Kama back inside. Swinging neckbreaker by Kama. Honky Tonk Man would be proud. Punch misses. Chokeslam by Taker. Crowd calls for the tombstone. Taker responds and puts Kama in the casket. The lid is shut, and the match is mercifully over.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/16:26/*1/2

-I have no idea who gave this 15 minutes, but they surely should have lost their jobs. Bad match as was the standard for Undertaker in the first five years of his stay in the WWF. Also easy to see how this company lost five million dollars in 1995 with matches like this.

-Casket Match: The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer) vs. King Mabel (w/Sir Mo) (In Your House)(December 17, 1995)

Mabel was so fat that when he sat down on Taker’s face a few months prior to this match, Taker’s orbital bone was broken. Taker would have to wear a funny white mask for a few months afterward. An even bigger joke was Mabel winning the 1995 King of the Ring. Even as a ten tear old mark, I knew how stupid Mabel winning anything was. This was also the last really dumb feud Taker had in the 90s. It was all uphill from here as he would go on to face Bret Hart for the WWF title and feud with Diesel going into Wrestlemania 12. Sadly, Taker had one last crappy opponent to dispose of first.  Remember the previous two casket matches? This is essentially the same match except Mabel is fatter and less mobile. He even does the same splashes as Kamala. Mo actually does the carrying of Taker into the casket. He gives Mabel his crown. Mabel saunters over to close the casket. Too much time. Taker with a series of clotheslines. The final one finally knocks the big man down. Chokeslam. No wonder Taker has bad hips. Boot to the back of the head. Mabel to the casket. Mo tries to help his man, but Taker chokes him out, punches him in the throat, and chokeslams him as well. Taker puts Mo in the casket as well. Before he shuts the door, Taker grabs the chain and reclaims what’s left is his urn after nearly a year. Casket shut. Match over.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/6:12/1/4*

-Not doing so well from the match quality standpoint. This was actually worse than the previous two matches, but at least it was kept short. I guess the one positive about this DVD is no Giant Gonzalez matches.

-Undertaker talks about Mankind, perhaps his greatest challenge up to this point.

-The Undertaker (w/Paul Bearer)vs. Mankind (King of the Ring)

Taker failed to defeat Bret Hart for the WWF title because of Diesel’s interference. Taker managed to get some measure of revenge before becoming engaged with a newcomer named Mankind. Up to this point, there was a simple formula. Someone threatens and beats up The Undertaker. The formula is this. Undertaker wins by disqualification at one Pay-Per-View before dismantling his opponent at the next one. In some cases, the opponent is never seen again. Based on Mankind being so new to the WWF at this point, I think a lot of folks were expecting the same. Little did they know. Very cool start as Taker comes from behind the ring. Intense brawl develops. Compared to everything else on the disk, this was like a shot of adrenaline. Taker controls the early part of the match as rips at the face of Mankind. Old school clothesline and some choking. Mankind comes back with a bodyslam. Diving clothesline as Taker sits up. Mankind rips the eyes and kicks Taker in the face. Running knee in the corner. Elbow to the throat. Both men on the outside. Elbow off the apron. Taker slowly gets up. Mankind keeps up the assault. Series of punches and kicks by Taker. He grabs the boot but gets clotheslined. Back to the outside goes Taker. Mankind sends Taker into the steps. Mankind tries a chair, but Taker boots it right back in his face. Backdrop on the concrete. And people wonder why Mick Foley had to essentially retire in 2000. Chairshot to the back of Mankind in the ring. Choking and a boot to the face. Taker goes for the tombstone. Swinging neckbreaker by Mankind. Legdrop and Taker isn’t sitting up. Mandible claw forthcoming. Taker grabs the hand. Mankind comes back with more kicks. Elbowdrop. Taker sits up. Mankind with a nervehold. Taker comes out of nowhere with strikes and a series of right hands. Clothesline over the top. Wow. Mankind drags his opponent outside and uses forearms to the head. Mankind charges with the knee and nails Taker in the head. Bodyslam on the floor. Mankind leaps. Taker uses the chair as a shield to hit Mankind in the elbow. Chairshot to the head. Back in the ring. Mankind refuses to let go of the ropes as Taker continues beating on him. Takes drives Mankind into the mat. Headbutts. Flying clothesline. Mankind hits a piledriver. 1-2-NO! Mankind goes apeshit and pulls his own hair out. Mankind grabs the urn from Paul Bearer. As he tries to hit Taker, Bearer grabs the urn. Mandible claw. Bearer comes up on the apron with the urn… and accidentally nails The Undertaker. Mankind with the mandible claw. Referee calls for the bell. Upset of the year.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Mankind/18:20/**1/2

-Formula seemingly broken here as Mankind makes his career in one match. We also saw a bit of foreshadowing as Paul Bearer hit The Undertaker with the urn. It appeared to be an accident at the time, but then Summerslam came along.

-Boiler Room Brawl: The Undertaker vs. Mankind (Summerslam)(August 18, 1996)

The only way to win this match was to get the urn from Paul Bearer. It started back in the bowels of the building.  According to Mick Foley’s book, the boiler room portion of the match was filmed the night before. One camera man is in the room. There were some spots where the camera “went out” to cover up some editing. Pretty obvious Taker was going to win, right? He already lost one match to Mankind. No way he loses another. Taker and Mankind beat the holy hell out of each other in the boiler room with Mankind taking the majority of the hits. No commentary only adds to the overall creepiness of this entire match.  No real advantage is taken in the boiler room by either man. Lots of weapons and toys are used, pretty rare for a WWF match in 1996. Hardcore matches wouldn’t really become accepted for another year or so. Towards the end of the segment in the boiler room, Taker pulls Mankind off the ladder on to some boxes. Only one person is dumb enough to take that bump. Taker and Mankind actually fight by the door to escape. After nearly 17 minutes, the two men make their out of the boiler room and head to the ring. You can tell when the live shots start, but it’s not too noticeable. Good editing job done by WWF, and this was before they were known for their great production values. Undertaker seemingly has the match won, but Paul Bearer won’t give him the urn. Uh oh. Bearer finally nails his protégé of five years with the urn that’s supposedly given him power over the years. Mankind wins the match. No bell so I really can’t give this rating. And it’s not really the kind of match that’s worth ratings either.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Mankind/N/R/N/R

-Undertaker is carried out by the druids in a casket. This was definitely not the end of Taker as he would come back the next night full of piss and vinegar. He would wrestle Mankind and defeat him at in the first ever Buried Alive match in October and finally pinned him at Survivor Series 1996.

-One of the things Undertaker has done so well is reinvent himself many times over. It’s the only way Taker could stay fresh over 20 years, but this was one of the early reinventions. Taker would no longer be able to rely on Paul Bearer. He would go to an all black outfit at Survivor Series and his character would become both darker and a little bit more human. This match wasn’t great from a technical standpoint, but it was a hell of a brawl and the stuff involving Paul Bearer was quite compelling.

-Buried Alive Match: The Undertaker vs. Steve Austin (Buried Alive)(December 13, 1998)

A lot happened in the ensuing two years, and I’m not going to try and explain Vince Russo’s writing. I can’t believe there was a near embalming.Oh and the crucifixion that didn’t offend any Christians at all.  Needless to say, Undertaker was a heel at this point and had hit Steve Austin in the head with a shovel to build up to this feud. This was the second Buried Alive match ever, and I wish it had been the last. Everyone knows how bad of an announcer Michael Cole is now, but just think of how bad he was in 1998. That is to say horrendous. I wish I could say his exaggerating of the weight of the gravestone was the worst part of the match, but the actual match… IT FUCKING SUCKS! ONE OF THE MOST BORING MATCHES I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF WATCHING! I H-A-T-E THIS MATCH!  Winner of this match would earn a spot in the 1999 Royal Rumble. The only positive about this match is Undertaker’s swank theme song he had going at the end of 1998. Even the normally boisterous Canadian crowd is comatose for one of the worst Pay-Per-View main events in the history of the WWF. Both guys do stuff around the ring. They go back and forth from the graveyard in a pretty dumb move. Why wouldn’t both guys just try to beat each other up by the graveyard. There are freaking shovels to use as weapons. I’m a fan of both guys, but someone in the back should have informed them that brawling for no reason and just hitting each other with stuff is a bad idea.  The ending a piece of work too. Austin nails Taker with a gas can multiple times. He hits a stunner that puts Taker into the grave, but that’s not good enough for this match. Kane (with pyro) climbs from under the grave and brawls with his brother. Kane finally gets a tombstone and sends Taker back into the grave. This was only stalling for time because  Austin has a truck dump a whole lot of dirt into the grave. There’s some sort of an argument between Austin and the truck driver.  DUMB! Austin picks up the win. A bad match plus dumb ending equals the rating you see below.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: Steve Austin/20:28/DUD

-Inferno Match: The Undertaker vs. Kane (Monday Night Raw)(February 4, 1999)

Another Vince Russo special. The only way to win this match is to set your opponent on fire. These two had one of these back at Unforgiven 1998. The difference here is Vince McMahon was a good guy (sort of) who was worried about his daughter getting stalked by Taker and Ministry of Darkness. He sent Kane into this battle to finally eliminate Taker once and for all. Why McMahon would have Kane fight his brother in a match he’s already lost is a question only Vince Russo could answer. I can’t believe I actually enjoyed this stupidity in 1999. If I had known then what I know now, I seriously question whether I’d still be a wrestling fan at this point.   It’s not a very long match, more like a truncated version of the one they had almost a year previous. They start immediately. Vince McMahon on commentary is actually the most entertaining part of the match. Neither guy is exactly a babyface at this point, so the crowd doesn’t give a lick. Paul Bearer comes over with a present for Vince McMahon. How thoughtful of him. Vince McMahon opens the package, and it’s a teddy bear. Kane comes off the top rope and goes chest first into the announce table. Quite the bump. Undertaker finally sends Kane into the flames. Nothing too violent. It’s just his leg. The problem with these inferno matches is there’s no way to deliver in a big way since setting people on fire is a really dumb idea.

-Winner (s)/Time/Rating: The Undertaker/6:50/*1/2

-Undertaker takes the teddy bear, later revealed to be Stephanie McMahon’s, and throws it into the inferno while Vince McMahon cries and crawls over to the bear. I’m not even going to explain how this angle ended either because it would take so long.

Disk 1 Thoughts: Not good. Not good at all. It’s kind of fun to see just how much Taker evolved over the first eight years, but not a single match on this disk was any good. Hopefully, disks two and three are better.

So tonights a big night for WWE as they host the viewers choice edition of Monday Night Raw during the next three hours. It would be not only one of the best nights of Raw, but also one of the best endings of a Raw episode in years. So lets get this started as tonight Chris is taking over the Raw Reviews.

Opening up the night is General Managers from both Raw and Smackdown! in the form of Bret Hart and Teddy Long. Of course the bantering of tonights historic evening is going on until the interruption of Randy Orton. Orton demands Edge one way or another and of course Edge obliges the fans by coming out and telling everyone that he is going to finish what he started. The “Hitman” and Teddy Long offer the choices of debate, sit up contest, or an one-arm match where Edge will have one of his arms tied behind his back. Didn’t Austin do that years ago? Great segment though as it really puts both superstars over as bad asses who aren’t going to back down from anyone. Even Edge isn’t playing the chicken-shit heel and is prepared to fight mono e mono. Of course the night has to continue and we have The Big Show come to the ring for his match against his former tag partner Chris Jericho where the fans are going to pick the stipulation of course from WWE.com. Hey at least there are smart phones out there now that can surf the web while you’re at an event. So we have the first match of the night:

Chris Jericho vs Big Show in a Bodyslam Challenge
The Big Show knows he’s gonna have fun with this so we have Big Show opening his arms in allowance to let Jericho try, but Jericho being the ass he is has to go and slap the Big Show. Head-butts and chest chops fly in retaliation from the Big Show but Jericho finds a way to reverse the situation in an attempt to body slam the Big Show. Hey so far both talents have found a way to make this match entertaining and that is what counts. The end of the match comes as Chris Jericho attempts a cross body press but the Big Show catches him and body slams him down winning the first end of the match. Of course not to disappoint the fans he makes Jericho tap to a modified camel clutch and then throws him over the top rope to show he could have beaten Jericho under any stipulation.

The Unified Tag Team Championships are on the line as the fans get to choose who the Hart Dynasty fight against, The Uso’s, The Dudebusters, or one of the worst tag teams of the decade The Great Khali & Hornswaggle. Why can Hornswaggle just be put into comedy skits and not actually have a role in any wrestling match?

This absolutely shows the stupidity of these viewers choice shows and clearly shows that most of these rigged votes because it makes no sense that a make shift team would win over a feud that has been building for the last two weeks. I’m gonna say that in some way the Uso’s are still going to make an impact tonight.

Unified Tag Team Championship match: The Hart Dynasty vs The Great Khali & Hornswaggle

Not the greatest way to start, but we have Tyson Kidd going up against Khali. I’m not sure why anyone would start that way though the quickness could have been the plan in order to chop the giant down to size. We have a tag from Khali to his pint-sized partner and of course the tadpole splash is attempted but after a miss and a slam we have Tyson Kidd pinning Hornswaggle for the win and retention.

Of course this isn’t the end and finally The Uso’s show up though after two weeks the Hart Dynasty get to show dominance and aren’t laid out for the first time. Short and sweet but it got the point across.

We get footage of the Undertaker’s memorial from Kane and really this is going to be an interesting storyline as who knows what we’re going to get from Kane as I’ve always felt that Kane can still be a force to reckon with if used correctly. This is possibly the best promo from Kane in the last five years, hell possibly 10.

Hey look at this, we finally are going to get the guest hosts out in the open as it’s going to be the A-Team movie cast. Epicness in it’s history making as a still contracted UFC fighter is making an appearance. Bradley Cooper comes out first and he schills the movie out to the fans of the WWE and really says nothing…fail.

Jerry Lawler earlier left the commentation booth and is found backstage wandering around but gets dragged in the back by Murdock and B.A. Rampage is on a WWE screen and the first job is to find King’s crown….. not that epic but still semi funny and of course the Guest Host whores.. I mean the Bella Twins have to earn their money some how by making it on screen.

Santino comes out to a semi decent pop as he’s going up against Kozlov as he’s tried to join the ranks with Vladimir and William Regal. This is going to be either an arm wrestling match, a dance off, or a match. Of course a Brian Gerwertz classic as this is going to be a dance-off.

Santino Morella vs Kozlov in a Dace Off
Santino’s strength shows in his promo ability but this is of course going to be a great waste of time, but hey for three hours you gotta give something entertaining. Santino does almost every bad stereotypical dance style in existence, but soon Kozlov is going to do something horrible. He speaks. Holy crap he’s doing the Robot and a decent Moonwalk, but of course he has to bring back horrible memories of Dude Love and Scotty 2 Hotty. God damn that was more awesome than it should have been, of course the ending dance moves and head butt are probably being YouTubed right now.

It’s going to be a Divas specialty match as we could have 6 on 6, a battle royal, or champion vs champion.

Diva Battle Royal
Do you really want me to do commentary for this? I didn’t think so and if you did… damn you. We basically have the Divas all fighting over and doing basic pushing and shoving. Tiffany is eliminated by the co-Womens champs… how do they both…nevermind. Kelly Kelly is gone next. Gail Kim is gone. Bella Twins next and we are down to the wire. Lay-Cool is eliminated but that leaves us with Eve vs Jillian Hall and Maryse. Eve is quickly dumped out and as Jillian tries to celebrate with Maryse, she gets whats coming as Maryse dumps her out. You can see Maryse being pushed against Eve very soon.

We get the announcement that Edge vs Orton is going to be the One-arm tied behind his back match. But we get Sheamus walking back stage but he gets confronted by Kane about Undertaker. Sheamus shrugs it off stating that if he did such a great thing he would have sung highly about it. Sheamus is going to face either Evan Bourne, Mark Henry, or Kane.

Sheamus vs Kane
This is something that I can actually say I’m looking forward to as I am a fan of two big guys who can tell a story in the ring. This is going to be a brawl and what else would you expect? Kane is dominating the match for the first few minutes until he tries to go for his top rope clothesline. Sheamus though gets huge top rope body slam on Kane for a two count. Second times must be a charm though as Kane is able to get his top rope clothesline the second time. Sheamus counters the chokeslam in a very decent fashion and almost hits his big boot but then gets thrown over the top rope. I, as well as other insiders have pretty high hopes for Sheamus and really see the potential that he brings despite some of the unwarranted hatred from a majority of the internet crowd. Sheamus loses via a count out but really this didn’t make him look weak but at the same time made this budding inter-brand feud seemingly interesting for future bookings. Not to say that the Undertaker’s disappearance is a mystery to those of us online, but hey it can definitely provide some entertainment especially for Kane.

We get to vote on Cena’s opponent also as we get to pick between Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk. Intriguing to say the least as I can see all three of those men having a decent match with the champ. Wade Barrett gets his cameo interview for Raw, and as we reported on ProWrestlingPonderings.com Facebook page earlier that we can expect to see him on Raw with his mentor Chris Jericho. Of course this could just be good foreshadowing to what would happen.

We then get to see Ted DiBiase Jr. with Virgil, but we get the typical skit that we had to expect was coming. But hey seeing Virgil face to face with Rampage was well worth it. It of course turned out to be I.R.S., yes Irwin R. Scyhster who confiscated the crown. Why couldn’t Ted Sr. be in attendance?

U.S. Champion R. Truth & John Morrison vs. The Miz and Zack Ryder
The main story here is the building of The Miz vs R. Truth where in some odd fashion R. Truth seems to be getting the larger push than the usual suspect of John Morrison. Of course, as is reported on many sites, McMahon is high on R. Truth and it I can’t say that R. Truth doesn’t at least get a decent pop on house shows and during his TV appearances. The pairing of Zack and Miz is also pretty awesome, no pun intended, as the character parallels are obvious. This is a great tag of mid-card talent that showcased all of their skills. It’s exactly what WWE needs to build their mid card talents into upper-mid card superstars. Hell I wouldn’t mind seeing all four of these men in a Fatal Four Way at the PPV for the United States title. It’s a shame that Dolph Ziggler fell off the radar, though this rebuilding of the sleeper hold as a finisher is growing on me. Great back and forth match that ends with Miz and Zack Ryder getting the win over R. Truth and Morrison. Good match that held the crowd and didn’t make anyone look weak and allowed them to schill the NXT Season 2 which I still have yet to watch…grah I’m behind.

We see Edge and Bret Hart in the back and of course Kane has to accuse Bret… yes the lethal Bret Hart would have been able to take out ‘Taker… still a fun little skit that did touch some nerves obviously when Kane mentioned that the legacy of the Undertaker might challenge that of Bret’s.

Edge vs Randy Orton in an arm-tied-behind-back Match
The build to this was decent and it really does put over that Randy is going to have that “Stone Cold” aura where he still has heel tendencies but is going to be the people’s choice. Can WWE build a better tweener than Russo? I think so. Of course Edge had to find a way to get a no-contest but that just made the anticipation for when Orton has full use of his arm even more. On a side-bar note, has anyone else noticed that Orton hasn’t used wrist tape since he became a tweener? Had this been the end of Raw, it still would have been a so far entertaining show that really didn’t have a lot to suffer through.

For the first time we see the WWE Champion John Cena and we get another A-Team skit. Mean Gene, as Rampage tweeted, is a PIMP when it comes to the interview unlike Josh Matthews, who is just a scary stalker.

Drew McIntyre vs Matt Hardy
So we see this feud come to fruition on Raw which isn’t so bad seeing as how it wasn’t really going anywhere on Smackdown!. The returning Matt Hardy comes out to the ring to what sounded like one of the louder reactions of the night. This guy really needs to channel those Version 1 promo abilities as Matt Hardy hasn’t impressed me ever when he’s a face. But I do have some hopes for Drew as well as I have watched him in Irish Whip Wrestling, though the weak argument that Matt is on Raw now and thus isn’t suspended is just stupid. Does this mean he’s a Raw superstar? Or can Teddy Long actually un-suspend him? Whatever it is thank god Matt isn’t in those horrendous purple key tights. What was that crap? Decent match though despite it’s quickness as it did provide something to the feud as Matt legitimately acted like he was pissed at Drew instead of just going for the win and being satisfied with that. Did he just eat some of Drew’s hair? WTF moment of the week for me so far.

B.A. Boracas has been captured and it’s Ted Jr with I.R.S. and Virgil. Wow this is going to get dumb real fast. Dana probably is laughing his ass off though seeing as how it clearly shows the ridiculousness…entertainment part of the WWE. Smart move on WWE though to not capitolize on making it a UFC vs WWE issue. Roddy Piper on Raw though is always a good thing and no doubt this is going to blow up in Teddy’s face. Dusty Rhodes and Mean Gene to the rescue? Wow. Well it’s always fun to see the legends involved and this was meant to be a feel good moment. Spinebuster by Rampage Jackson! If this man wanted to be a wrestler, I’m damn sure he’d have money written all over him.

WWE Champion John Cena vs CM Punk
The leader of the Straight Edge Society CM Punk is once again going to face John Cena, let’s hope it turns out better than his past outings with the WWE Champion on Raw. This was a good match with some good sequences for both Punk and Cena. I’ll give credit where it’s due in that Cena may not be a technical marvel but what he does have he uses well and can definitely tell a story in the ring which for many wrestling fans can sometimes be deemed more important than how many suplex variations a talent knows. Punk deserves half the credit as well as he has proven throughout his career that he can have a good match with almost anyone, no matter what. Is it just me or did we actually see a faster paced style from John Cena and CM Punk tonight than what we’re used to seeing? Good back and forth action with Punk trying to wear down Cena’s strength while we saw more high impact moves from Cena. Both went for submissions, but it would be hard pressed to say that Cena didn’t do more damage per hit than Punk which is the way it should be. I just don’t understand when a heel does flashy crowd pleasing moves.. it just shouldn’t happen. That’s heel 101 as far as I’m concerned and you can tell that Punk knows how to work both heel and face very well… though Wade Battett and the rest of the NXT wrestlers came out to invade the show boat promotion of the WWE. All the season 1 NXT rookies, including everyone’s favorite Daniel Bryan, have come to invade the WWE! This is what we’ve been waiting for out of the WWE and this is definitely going to take them to the next level. This by far has been one of the best endings to not only Raw but a wrestling show period. I’m as excited for this as I was when the Age of the Fall first came out at Ring of Honor’s Man Up PPV. This is just a plain win for all the talents of WWE and everyone. It was great to see them actually seem renegade as they attacked everyone from Lawler, to the ref, to Striker, to even the ring announce crew. Justin RRrrrrrrRoberts just got decked…win. The WWE has officially been invaded and hopefully they will do more with this than they did that horrendous WCW Invasion..sorry I had to bring that up. I hope you all enjoyed this review and be sure you listen to the podcast that was posted on Monday following this episode.

Be sure to check out my Strikes & Bumps ROH Columns every Sunday as well and do leave me some feedback.

Welcome back to NXT Generation, where if you’re anything like me, you thought David “A-List” Otunga was, at best, passable as guest host of Raw last night. The A-Lister was fine on the microphone and was…alright…in the main event thanks to not having to do much, but he didn’t exactly do anything to make me convince that he actually does have some sort of “It Factor.”

I will be interested in seeing if his appearance as guest host nudges up this week’s ratings, though. I’m sure that SyFy is less than thrilled that NXT has been on for seven weeks and has done nothing to nudge their ratings upward.

Before I get into the recap, let’s begin with a review of last week’s Pro’s Poll, so we can see where everyone stands.

WWE Pro’s Poll #1
1. Daniel Bryan
2. Wade Barrett
3. Justin Gabriel
4. Heath Slater
5. David Otunga
6. Skip Sheffield
7. Michael Tarver
8. Darren Young

These next few weeks are going to be vital, as the first eliminations will come with the next Pro’s Poll on Episode 12.

We open with Matt Striker welcoming the Rookies to the stage in the order of their rankings. Only a handful of guys get big reactions (Gabriel, Otunga, and Bryan getting the lion’s share). Striker reminds us that the winner of NXT will have a guaranteed championship match on pay-per-view. Striker points out that Darren Young and David “A-List” Otunga are both annoyed with their rankings, and Striker begins talking about the A-Lister’s actions during Raw’s main event last night. Striker asks him why he walked out on John Cena during the Unified Tag Team title match. Otunga says that he left the match because he doesn’t share the spotlight. He also points out, logically, that because one of his opponents was NXT Pro The Miz, the successful title defense may help him win the competition. Fair enough explanation.

Striker moves on to Daniel Bryan, and he asks if the “American Dragon” deserves to be ranked first. Bryan really isn’t sure, but he asks if The Miz deserves to be a Pro and if Otunga deserves to guest host Raw. He also asks if Michael Cole deserves to take JR’s place as commentator, furthering the greatest rivalry in WWE. Bryan says he doesn’t deserve to be #1 but that he’s going to do his best to be a superstar. Striker tells him he should be more confident and less humble. Striker then goes to Michael Tarver. He asks Tarver if he deserves to be in first, and Tarver tells him that Bryan deserves to be a target. Tarver says he’s done following the rules and that he’s going to take his opportunities as they come. He calls himself a pitbull off the leash and the most dangerous man in NXT. Period. He shows more charisma in thirty seconds than he has in the previous six weeks combined.

Striker next says that starting this week are a series of Weekly Challenges designed to test the Rookies mentally and physically. The first challenge will be to take a 160-plus-pound keg and carry it all the way around the ring and past a yellow line in the aisle in the fastest time. This should be an epic waste of time.

Daniel Bryan goes first, who Michael Cole calls a deformed jerk. Striker notes that dropping the keg will result in a disqualification. Bryan runs around the ring smiling and sticking out his tongue, laughing most of the way. Bryan gets it done in 24.9 seconds. Wade Barrett goes next and only takes one handle, running all the way around the ring in an “epic” 14.7 seconds, the new time to beat. Justin Gabriel is up next, and he too runs around the ring. He has deceptive strength and tops Barrett with 13.6. Heath Slater is up fourth and motors all the way around the ring for 12.0 flat, making him the new leader.

We go to David Otunga who suddenly goes from a big pop at the start of the show to fairly loud boos. Otunga runs with the sunglasses on and hits 14.1, meaning Slater is still in the lead. Skip Sheffield lifts the keg over his shoulder, which costs him. He finished with 12.4. The “Pitbull off the Leash” Michael Tarver manages to drop the keg (twice, mind you) and get disqualified – getting a nice round of “you suck” chants from the crowd. Finally, mercifully, we move to Darren Young, who also drops the keg to start (before getting to the line, which they let slip), but he gets 13.6, meaning Heath Slater is our winner.

After the Keg Carry Challenge, Heath Slater says that he’s going to blow our collective minds. Matt Striker tells Slater that he will be in tonight’s main event, and his opponent will be none other than the Big Red Machine himself, Kane!

Thoughts: If the goal here is that the winner each week gets to be in the main event, I guess it’s alright. That said, even with that reward for the competitors, this was a fairly monumental waste of time and I was quite bored recapping the whole thing.

After the commercial, the Raw Rebound covers David Otunga’s experience hosting Raw last night, specifically focusing on his match with John Cena against ShoMiz and Batista’s post-match beatdown on the WWE Champion. If you missed Raw, by the way, you missed that Cena and Batista will be squaring off in a Last Man Standing match at Extreme Rules.

We go backstage to Matt Striker and Skip Sheffield. Sheffield is annoyed that he lost the Keg Carry. He says the competition was rigged and says that the WWE Universe isn’t ready for him. Sheffield says he’s no longer going to be a nice guy. Striker then announces our first match, which is right after the break!

Match #1: 1. Daniel Bryan v. 8. Darren Young

Bryan and Young are already in the ring when we come back from commercial. Young starts strong, hitting a knee and a club in the back. He sends Bryan into the ropes and charges him to the mat. Young charges again but gets thrown to the outside and eats a Bryan sliding kick to send him to the floor. Bryan steps onto the apron and leaps off, driving his knee right into Young’s face. Bryan throws him into the ring and does his dropkick off the top, getting a 2 count. Bryan then FINALLY after seven weeks puts on the Cattle Mutilation, but he quickly flips over and tries a backslide pin for 2. Bryan gets another backslide for 1 and tries for another and another 1. Young then slams Bryan’s head into the turnbuckle and sends him across the ring; Bryan flips over a sprinting Young and rolls him up for 2. Young pops up and gets the American Dragon in a pinning predicament, but Bryan flips him over quickly for 2. Young gets up and slaps the taste out of Bryan’s mouth, only for Bryan to do the same. Young then slips Bryan onto his back and gets a sneaky quick cover to steal the win.

Winner: Darren Young
Thoughts: Look…we all know I’m biased toward Daniel Bryan, and truth be told I’ve got a secret bias for Darren Young (I’ve known him since fifth grade). The fact is that Young winning this match is ridiculous. It’s not his fault, but when he was put in at eighth and basically was put on a mission to prove himself, it became clear he was going to go and beat Daniel Bryan. The only problem is that Bryan himself needs a win pretty desperately. Despite being ranked #1, his position is shaky due to the fact that he hasn’t gotten a win yet and I think the confidence of the WWE fanbase is starting to waver. Plus, having the guy who’s considered “the best” constantly lose makes all of the other Rookies look weak in comparison. After all, none of the other guys are as good as the guy who NEVER wins. On top of all of this, the match itself was criminally short, which doesn’t really help things out much.
Rating: *1/4

Match #2: 3. Justin Gabriel v. 7. Michael Tarver

We come back from the commercial with this match, and that makes me a happy camper. Even with the nonsense of the Keg Carry, we might actually get wrestling. We see pre-recorded comments by Michael Tarver, continuing the “pitbull” analogy. Gabriel and Tarver lock up to start, and Tarver starts to dominate early. He sends Gabriel to a corner early and goes for an early pin attempt for naught. Tarver puts Gabriel in an abdominal stretch and clubs at his abdomen. Gabriel tries to elbow out and pulls his way out, only to be whipped in the corner. He leaps a charging Tarver and begins kicking away at Tarver’s midsection and follows with a kick to the face and a big clothesline. He sends Tarver to the corner and then splashes across his midsection. Gabriel leaps off the top and hits a big crossbody. He goes back to the top, teasing the 450, only for Tarver to get up and knock him onto the turnbuckle. Tarver climbs up after him, but they both drop off. Tarver appears to get his head on the rope, and Gabriel kicks him to the mat. Gabriel then climbs to the top and hits the 450 to get the win.

Winner: Justin Gabriel
Thoughts: Another fairly short match, however there was very little wrong with it in the ring. Gabriel and Tarver both did well here in the ring, and both showed that under time constraints, they can work well. My biggest problem is that the wrong guy won from a storytelling perspective. I mean, if Tarver’s going to be motivated to succeed and is now suddenly no longer playing by the rules, then logically he needs the win here. Now, he looks like he’s all talk with absolutely nothing to back it up.
Rating: **

Back from the commercial, Michael Cole reminds us that the WWE Draft is on April 26th.

Match #3: 2. Wade Barrett v. 5. David Otunga

David Otunga argues in a pre-taped interview that the reason he was in the middle of the pack in the first Pro’s Poll was because the Pros are intimidated by him. Barrett notes in his interview that “second place is the first loser” and that it’s not good enough.

Otunga puts on a headlock to start, but Barrett powers out and starts headbutting the A-Lister. Barrett sends him flying into the corner and then boots him to the ground on the rebound. He begins stomping away at Otunga and then ties him up in the ropes. Barrett pushes him into the ropes and punches him in the back with each rebound until Otunga turns around and connects with a right. Barrett quickly sends his opponent to the outside and Barrett follows up by charging him into the side of the ring. Barrett then locks in a double armbar submission, but he powers out only to be sent to the mat. Barrett misses on a knee drop and then misses a corner charge. He kicks Otunga but then takes an inverted atomic drop and a shoulder tackle from the A-Lister. Otunga is now in control, hitting a big slam which gets a 2 count. Barrett tries for a suplex, but Otunga blocks it and rolls him up for 2. Otunga then hits a neckbreaker for another 2. Otunga climbs to the top, but Barrett pulls him off and then hits his shoulder slam finisher for 3.

Winner: Wade Barrett
Thoughts: Otunga looked a lot better during this match than he has at any point thus far and Barrett once again looked good. Both guys are almost certainly locks to be in the Final 4 of NXT, but I once again have a problem with the guy who won. I’m not an Otunga fan, but he needed the win more than Barrett, especially since he thinks he’s the best guy on the roster. He needed to show here that, like Tarver, he was more than just talk. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that here.
Rating: *3/4

Heath Slater is backstage, and the main event is up next!

Match #4: Main Event: 4. Heath Slater v. Kane

We see clips of last week’s Smackdown, with Kane dominating the NXT Rookies in an 8-on-1 handicap match until the numbers caught up to him. Mathews notes that Slater was the first Rookie to beat a Pro and that he would be undefeated if not for the Battle Royal last week.

Kane charges at Slater in the corner to start, but Slater gets his boot up for protection. Slater slips out of the corner and trips up the Big Red Machine, sending him face first into the turnbuckle. Slater gets on the apron and climbs to the top, pushing Kane into the center of the ring. He hits a missile dropkick that sends Kane into the ropes and staggers him. Slater climbs back to the top and hits a crossbody that gets 1. He starts laying into Kane with fists but eats a big boot after bouncing off the ropes. Kane throws him outside and hits one of his vicious fists. He then charges him into the side of the ring and throws Slater back in. Kane lifts Slater to his feet and lays into him with rights in the corner. Kane flips Slater over and locks in a sleeper-like hold. Slater powers out and tries for the sunset flip which only gets a 1. Kane then hits a sidewalk slam for 2. He chokes Slater on the ropes and hits a snapmare and dropkick for another 2. Slater tries to wear down Kane with punches but eats a huge right after another bounce off the ropes. The Big Red Monster climbs to the top and hits a right. He then slaps Slater to the ground with another wicked right. Kane sends him to the corner and clotheslines him; he sends him to the opposite corner, but Slater kicks him in the face. That only serves to annoy Kane, who hits the chokeslam to end this.

Winner: Kane
Thoughts: While I wouldn’t have been disappointed if Slater pulled out the upset, Kane needed the win after the Smackdown beatdown. Slater looked good by constantly trying to fight back despite the overwhelming odds against him. Not a whole lot to say here as the match was – once again – too short. Maybe it’s just me, but a main event deserves more time than just the five minutes of the overrun.
Rating: **

Slater is left in the ring as the show ends.

Overall Thoughts: Probably the weakest show to date. All of the matches were far too short, and the Keg Carry challenge was ridiculous and a huge waste of time. Consider that the longest match of the night was probably five minutes and that the Keg Carry went nearly ten and something is wrong. On top of that, in three of the four matches, the wrong person won. I understand wanting to make the guys near the top look strong so that when this first season of NXT is over, you have three or four bankable stars, but there needs to be a few surprising upsets here and there. If just one of the first three matches had the loser win, I probably wouldn’t have noticed or complained, but this is becoming somewhat problematic.

Join me next week, when we get one step closer to the first elimination!

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Booyaka Booyaka, the Ultimate Underdog, Rey Mysterio kicks off Smackdown as we head down the Road to Wrestlemania.  Rey defeated Dolph Ziggler last Friday to qualify for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match and tonight he’ll take on fellow Chamber combatant, the Pastor of Purity, our Straight-Edge Savior, CM Punk.  Todd Grisham comments on Punk and Gallows being in a match for the Unified Tag Team Championships on Monday, which they did not win, as Punk and Rey are in each other’s faces.  Punk starts things off pushing Mysterio in the face a couple of times and then it’s fast paced offence right from the start.  Punk slows Rey down, using kicks and submissions to keep Mysterio grounded.  The pace speeds up again as Rey takes things to the floor a couple of times, but Mysterio needs to be cautious as Serena and Luke Gallows are luring at ringside.  Their distraction is enough to allow Punk to slam Rey back first on the barricade, who then falls to the floor amongst the fans.  The Ultimate Underdog struggles to mount some offence while our Saviro works on the back of the masked man, keeping him on the ground as much as possible.  Rey looks to hit the 619, but Gallows and Serena intervene, Serena distracting the ref while Gallows attacks Rey from behind.  Rey positions Punk for the 619 again, but Punk ducks.  The Pastor of Purity then has Rey set for the Go to Sleep, but Rey counters it into a roll up for the win.  And he then pays for his victory with a beating at the hands of the Straight-Edge Society.  Punk proclaims he can save Rey.  Gallows places Mysterio on his Savior’s shoulders and Rey has a “crucifixion” of sorts (thank you Striker and Grisham) as Punk puts him to sleep.

Rating:  ***

Winner:  Rey Mysterio

This was an incredible match between Mysterio and Punk.  These two can put on a show.  And after the fact, Punk and Co. attacking Rey furthers the Straight-Edge Society and adds more heat to them.

After the break, Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre is making his way to the ring.  We’re reminded that McIntyre is still undefeated in singles competition and was hand picked by Vince McMahon to be a champion.  Drew has a microphone and tells us he’s unstoppable.  He doesn’t care who his opponent is.  Drew may believe himself unstoppable, but not many can stand toe to toe with his opponent and live to tell the tale without a notch in the “L” column.  That man is Kane.  McIntyre says he has nothing to prove to Kane, though.  He tells the Big Red Machine he can have a match next week, but both the ref and Kane disagree with this.  The bell rings, Kane sends a kick to Drew, and this match is underway.

Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane

During the break, McIntyre sent Kane into the barricade to take control of the match.  Grisham informs us that according to a poll McIntyre took himself, he’s more popular in Scotland than Sean Connery.  They also talk about ECW and the superstars there becoming Free Agents after next week, but in the ring, Kane has taken over this match.  The Big Red Machine attempts a couple of chokeslams, but is blocked both times, so he clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring.  The two of them fight outside the ring while the ref administers the 10 count and this match is officially over.

Rating:  *

Result:  Double Count Out

After the bell, McIntyre and Kane continue fighting.  Drew rolls back outside the ring to grab the Intercontinental Championship, looking to use it on Kane, but Kane has other plans.  He drops Drew with a  chokeslam and symbolically lays the title across McIntyre before leaving the ring.

Backstage, Mickie James has another run in with Michelle McCool and Layla.  McCool is still at it, making fun of Mickie and her weight.  A big bowl of cottage cheese comes into play and Mickie ends up smacking it out of McCool’s hands and onto Vickie Guerrero.  James takes off for the ring and we go to commercial.

Mickie James vs. Layla

The “Simply Flawless” LayCool come to the ring and Layla is ready to face Mickie James in the ring.  Gee, I wonder if the inadvertent covering of Vickie Guerrero is going to come into play.  Oh, look, here she comes.  Right on cue!  EXCUSE ME!!  Vickie calls a stop to the match and informs us that the match is now a handicap match.  Mickie’s all over this, though, as she works to overcome the disadvantage of a handicap match between here and LayCool.  As good as Mickie is at overcoming the odds, it’s not enough here as Michelle McCool hits the Faith Breaker as the numbers game takes its toll on James and this match is over.

Rating:  **

Winners:  Michelle McCool and Layla

Dave Batista is menacing his way through the backstage area.  He’s requested some time to talk about his recent actions and that’ll be next.  When Smackdown comes back from commercial, we recap Batista’s actions on Raw a couple weeks ago, attacking Bret Hart at the behest of Mr. McMahon.  Following his attack on Hart, Batista would return to Batista Bomb John Cena on the steel steps after a brutal assault on the former WWE Champion.  Then, last Friday, Batista stepped out of the ring and allowed himself to get counted out in a match with CM Punk, effectively removing him from the Elimination Chamber match at the same named PPV.  Well, now it’s time for The Animal to step out and talk to Josh Matthews about his reasons for the actions of the past couple of weeks.  Matthews asks Batista about his actions and the Animal takes his time to respond.  The crowd starts chanting for Cena and Dave sits on the top turnbuckle for a few seconds before leaving the ring with microphone in hand.  All the while, the spotlight Batista has repeatedly requested is following him around the ring.  A fan wearing a Cena shirt gets in his face, motioning the “You Can’t See Me” much to the delight of the fans, and the Animal finally gets back in the ring.  He holds the microphone up to his mouth, then drops it and walks out again, this time heading up the ramp as the fans tell him what they think of him.  He yells out at them angrily asking if they really want an explanation and returns to the ring, grabbing the microphone and dropping it once more, then even kicks it away from himself and heads back up the ramp again, this time leaving the arena.

I don’t know what to make of this segment, honestly.  It really looked just like filler, and terrible filler at that as it did absolutely nothing but show Batista refusing to address anyone.  I guess that was the point.  It furthers Dave’s heel push without him really having to do anything.

Following a break, the Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long came out to address Batista and his refusal to both compete and explain himself.  Teddy signs a match between Edge and Batista on Smackdown, stating that since he doesn’t feel like talking tonight, then maybe he feels like competing.  But first, it’s time for some tag team action.

The Great Kahli and Matt Hardy vs. The Hart Dynasty

Matt is in the ring wishing everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day in advance and talks about Kahli always having a great Valentine’s Day, but Matt’s going to have the best one ever as he introduces his special Valentine, Maria.  Following Maria’s entrance, Tyson Kidd and DH Smith come down to the ring and this match is under way.  Smith looks like he’s going to start things off against Kahli, but DH quickly tags out to Kidd and the Punjabi Powerhouse pulls him into the ring.  Kahli tags in his partner Matt, and the Dynasty is ready to take control of the match.  A week ago, Hardy & Kahli teamed with Johh Morrison to face Drew McIntyre and the Hart Dynasty, Morrison, Kahli, and Hardy getting the win there.  Natalya gets involved outside the ring, but Maria will have none of it, pulling the legs out from under Matt.  Kidd gets a roll up on Hardy, but only a 2 count, Matt gets a roll up of his own and this one barely gets a 1, 2, 3 for the win.

Rating:  * 3/4

Winners:  Matt Hardy and The Great Kahli

I’m not sure why Hardy is teaming with Kahli.  I don’t understand the pairing and therefore am not going to really comment on it beyond this.  Hopefully, though, they will move on to push Matt a little more in the near future.  Following the match, we learn of the first inductee into the Hall of Fame’s class of 2010, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase.  I don’t think I need to go into this video piece as it’s run on all three shows now.  We’ll find out the next Inductee on Monday.

After a break, we get the Raw Rebound and talk about Elimination Chamber.  Grisham and Striker thank Cypress Hill for the official theme song.  They talk about the two big title matches at the PPV, and then we see the aftermath of the Rey Mysterio/CM Punk match where Rey got attacked by the Straight-Edge Society, putting the Ultimate Underdog to sleep.  Now it’s time for two more Elimination Chamber combatants to square off as R-Truth will take on the Shaman of Sexy, John Morrison.

R-Truth vs. John Morrison

Truth comes to the ring before the break and when we return, instead of asking “What’s up?” this week he asks “Who dat?” in honor of  the Super Bowl Champions Saints.  Truth and Morrison shake hands before the bell and these two faces are ready to do battle.  Morrison starts the match with some high flying offense and Morrison twists his ankle, rendering him unable to continue and giving R-Truth the win.  Morrison would hurt himself coming off of a roll over Truth’s back, landing on his ankle wrong.  Truth would help John Morrison to the back.

Winner:  R-Truth (due to injury to John Morrison)

Still ahead, Jericho and Undertaker will face off in a No Disqualification match.  We see a quick preview for NXT, which begins in 2 weeks.  And when we return to the arena, the 2010 Royal Rumble Winner Edge is on his way down to the ring.  Edge talks about his possible opponents at Wrestlemania, previewing the Elimination Chamber matches.  His first great line is calling Punk the love child of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake and Charles Manson.  Edge has the potential to face 12 different stars depending on who wins each Elimination Chamber match as well as his choice of the winner.  Edge talks about possibly facing The Undertaker, who is still undefeated (and getting huge pops for it) at WrestleMania.  Edge then talks about his match next week against Batista, but before he can get too far into this, he’s interrupted by The Best in the World at what he does, Chris Jericho.  Jericho and Edge have a long history in the ring and Y2J is out to talk about Edge not mentioning him as a possible WrestleMania opponent.  Jericho calls himself a bad luck charm for Edge.  Chris was there when Edge was injured, but Chris doesn’t get injured, he just wins championships and carries the company on his back.  He advises Edge to choose the Raw champion and stay away from Jericho, who will walk out of the Elimination Chamber with the World Heavyweight Championship (that’s Jericho’s guarantee and my prediction, by the way).  Bad things will happen if Edge keeps getting in Jericho’s face and Jericho predicts a victory over the Undertaker tonight in the Main Event.  Cue those bells!!  Taker comes out in response to Jericho’s claim at a pending victory.  The Dead Man walks slowly and methodically to the ring, as usual, and Edge clears out in preparation for this contest, joining Grisham and Striker on commentary.

Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho
No Disqualification

Edge talks about what it takes to win in the Elimination Chamber, an accomplishment he has under his belt, and Edge tells us it’s the hardest night of the career among other things.  Edge also talks about what it’s like to face The Undertaker.  The two of them have been involved in pretty much every match conceivable.  Striker asks the question on everyone’s mind, will Edge challenge Taker should he win at Elimination Chamber and Edge refuses to divulge the information.  In the match, Jericho and Taker are going back and forth, fighting outside the ring off the bat.  When Undertaker and Jericho come back in the ring, Taker looks for Old School, but Jericho hits the ropes, forcing The Dead Man onto the top turnbuckle and following up with a Superplex.  Jericho stays toe to toe with Taker and Edge comments that only an elite few can accomplish that.  But the momentum swings back in the Taker’s favor with Snake Eyes and a big boot.  The Dead Man raises an arm, looking for a chokeslam but Jericho rolls out of the ring and onto the commentator’s table.  Edge calmly tells him to get back in the ring as Taker follows Y2J outside.  He hurls Jericho over the announce table towards Edge and the two men stare each other down.  Undertaker rolls Jericho back in the ring and takes Edge down with a big boot.  Jericho fights his way back and exposes a turnbuckle, but it backfires and Y2J gets sent into it instead.  Taker hits the Last Ride on Jericho and edge rolls into the ring, Spearing the Dead Man in response to the big boot before walking out of the arena.  Taker sites up and picks up Chris Jericho, who then hits the Codebreaker and gets the win over the Undertaker, picking up momentum as we’re now just over a week away from Elimination Chamber.

Rating:  ** 3/4

Winner:  Chris Jericho

Not a bad match overall.  It furthered a couple possible storylines between Edge and either Jericho or the Undertaker.  I will reiterate my prediction that Chris Jericho will win the Elimination Chamber match and go on to face Edge at WrestleMania.  But before we get there, Edge will make his big return to singles competition on Smackdown as next week he’ll face off with The Animal Batista.

But starting off the show tonight is someone with a bone to pick with the returning Edge, the man who claims to be the best in the world at what he does, as well as the face of Smackdown, Chris Jericho.  Edge’s return to the WWE as the #29 entrant in the Rumble prompted Jericho’s departure from the match itself and he has something to say to begin this week’s show.  Jericho talks about meticulously constructing his return to the World Heavyweight Championship, but in ten seconds, Edge (whose return was “unannounced”) ruined those plans.  He rants about how everyone is talking about Edge, but he’s a con artist.  Chris talks of how Edge walked out on him last year, leaving Jericho to defend the Unified Tag Team Championships by himself (um, hello, did he not bring in the Big Show?).  Teddy Long informed Jericho (sometime before the show presumably) that he has to qualify for the Elimination Chamber, and Chris is prompt to call Long out to the ring.  When Teddy doesn’t show, Jericho storms back to his office only to be met by (brace yourself, here comes a shocker) Edge!  Edge informs Jericho that he’s the reason Edge worked so hard to get back to the WWE.  Chris tells Edge he’ll regret ever coming back, but Edge says it’s Jericho who will regret it.  In celebration of his return, Edge will bring back The Cutting Edge with his guest the World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker.

Smackdown emanated from Memphis, TN and we see Elvis’s home briefly.  Then the Smackdown announcers do a very brief preview of the Raw Elimination Chamber match before Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre comes down to the ring to qualify for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match against his rival John Morrison and The Big Red Machine Kane.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Drew McIntire vs. John Morrison vs. Kane

Facing a veteran of the Elimination Chamber match like Kane has to be intimidating to these two men, and the rivals go after each other to start the match.  Kane quickly breaks it up, but Morrison and McIntyre double team the big Monster before going after each other once more.  Following a break, Morrison is out on the floor with Kane and McIntyre fighting inside the ring.  Kane has McIntyre on the mat, but Morrison comes in to save the match.  This one fall to a finish match is your typical triple threat match where during most occasions; one of the competitors is briefly out of the action as the other two do battle.  The odd man out comes in to save the match and continue.  I personally am not the biggest fan of one fall to a finish triple threat (and fatal four way) matches in general, but I won’t go into that here.  Back to the match at hand, McIntyre brings in the Intercontinental Championship belt and hits Kane in the stomach before connecting with a DDT on the monster.  Morrison breaks up the pin fall, climbs the ropes and connects with Starship Pain on Kane (I guess it’s Rhyme Time) for the victory and earns the first spot in the Elimination Chamber match.

Rating:  ***

Winner:  John Morrison

As I said, I’m not the biggest fan of triple threats, but as they go, this was a pretty solid match up. Morrison and McIntyre have both torn it up of late and this is no different.  Kane has been in some solid matches with Dolph Ziggler over the last month and this match was a great effort for him as well.  A couple interesting side notes:  since Morrison pinned Kane and not Drew McIntyre, this leaves his undefeated streak intact; and (this more my personal opinion) putting Morrison into the Elimination Chamber match basically promotes him up to the World Heavyweight Championship competition, which is where he deserves to be, as he’s grown quite a bit since both his days as part of MNM and his partnership with The Miz.  Whether John stays in main event competition following Elimination Chamber remains to be seen, but I personally believe he’s ready for the opportunity.

Following the next match we see the exclusive footage from after Raw went off the air, but first, it’s time for another qualifying match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
R-Truth vs. Mike Knox

What’s up?  R-Truth is taking on the behemoth Mike Knox.  The fans are clearly behind Truth here, but it’s Knox who is dominant off the bat. As Truth pulls the ropes down on Knox and leaps over onto the Bearded Behemoth (that one’s my own, but Matt Striker can feel free to use it), Todd Grisham and Striker speculate as to the damage Mike Knox could do in the ring.  But R-Truth comes to life as both men quickly come back in the ring.  Truth hits a big missile drop kick and follows it up by bounding off the ropes to hit a spinning elbow that catches Knox on the nose according to Matt Striker and it’s enough to keep the big man down for the three count.

Rating:  ½

Winner:  R-Truth

Ok, I’m a bit bewildered here.  R-Truth earned a spot in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber at the same named PPV, but this match was very short and really rubbed me the wrong way.  Nothing against R-Truth.  While I’m not his biggest fan, he does have some in ring skills.  What leaves me scratching my head is the fact that a spinning elbow to the face from someone the size of Truth on someone the size of Mike Knox just doesn’t seem realistic enough to be a match winner.  Knox is a monster of a man and it seems to me like it would (and has in the past) take a lot more to bring the big man down.  I’m just sayin’.

After a look at what’s been happening between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon, we get a look at the brutal footage of John Cena and Batista after Raw went off the air Monday night.  Cena came out to help Bret, Batista returned to the ring and assaulted Cena, throwing him into a ring post, the steel steps, over the announce table, and hitting him in the face with the steps before bringing them and Cena into the ring to drop the Dr. of Thuganomics onto the steps with a Batista Bomb (payback for John Cena eliminating the Animal at the Royal Rumble).  Looks like Cena vs. Batista will be the big brand war match at Mania this year.  Backstage, Punk is discussing Batista with Serena and Luke.  Punk wants to make sure he’s protected from The Animal because without the Pastor of Purity, the Straight-Edge Society wouldn’t exist.  When we return from commercial, it’s time for the next qualifier match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Batista vs. CM Punk

It’s Heel vs. Heel in this match and it’s hard to tell who has more heat between Punk and Batista.  Neither man is a stranger to the World Heavyweight Championship.  Batista stands in the corner eyeing Punk before stepping out of the ring.  Batista looks like he wants nothing to do with Punk or his Straight-Edge Society.  Punk insists the ref issues the mandatory 10 count while The Animal walks halfway up the ramp.  Batista turns around and looks on as the count reaches 10 and he is counted out, sacrificing his opportunity at the World Heavyweight Championship in the Elimination Chamber.

Winner:  CM Punk

I can’t really give this match a rating.  I don’t think it Failed, but it really doesn’t deserve a rating since there was really not a match.  Obviously The Animal Batista has something beyond the World Heavyweight Championship on his mine and I reiterate that we will more than likely see John Cena vs. Batista at WrestleMania XXIV.

As we come back, Matt Hardy is backstage congratulation Maria for her appearance in Celebrity Apprentice and Maria, in turn, wishes him luck in his qualifying match.

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Matt Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Hardy’s entrance to the ring is followed by another commercial and when we come back, Jericho is already in the ring awaiting the bell.  Earlier Jericho was upset about having to qualify for the match.  Chris is familiar with the Chamber, having been in five before, but will he make it 6?  He’s got a tough competition with Matt Hardy.  Hardy, the man who will never die, is always a question mark in the ring as he has an adaptive style and he comes full bore on Jericho.  They battle outside the ring and Hardy gets thrown into the steps.  Could we have another count out victory in a qualifier match?  Not quite.  Matt just barely beats the 10 count and the match continues.  Smart wrestling from Jericho, who uses Hardy’s time out of the ring to conserve as much energy as possible.  Matt Striker compares the Elimination Chamber to a Steel Cage, Hell in a Cell and a War Games match all rolled into one, an interesting and accurate comparison, in my opinion.  In the ring, Hardy and Jericho are pretty evenly matched, but the Lionsault can’t put Matt away and in turn, the Side Effect can’t finish off Chris.  Jericho attempts to lock in the Walls of Jericho, but Hardy counters it into a roll up.  Jericho blocks a Twist of Fate using the ropes, hits the Codebreaker and covers Hardy for the win.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Chris Jericho

A pretty good match between these two superstars.  With Jericho in the Elimination Chamber, I will make this prediction:  Look for Jericho to win the Elimination Chamber match to set up Edge vs. Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania XXIV.

Up next, the new Woman’s Champion, Mickie James is out to talk about her victory over Michelle McCool at the Royal Rumble.  James talks about “what goes around comes around” and starts to say that she’ll take on any comers when she’s interrupted by Beth Phoenix’s music.  We photos from Beth’s participation in the Royal Rumble Match and Phoenix is happy James got her moment in the sun, but Beth plans on taking the championship.  EXCUSE ME!!!!  Ugh, just when you thought it was safe to watch Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that a match between Beth Phoenix and Mickie James isn’t happening.  As the official consultant for Smackdown, Vickie is making a tag match right now between Mickie and Beth and McCool and Layla.

Beth Phoenix & Mickie James vs. Layla and Michelle McCool

Guerrero called McCool the real No. 1 Contender to Mickie James’s Woman’s Championship and McCool starts the match with Beth Phoenix.  And the former Woman’s Champion is all over Phoenix, working on her leg to keep the big woman down.  Layla is cheering to come into the match, but Beth sends her off the apron with an elbow.  Phoenix comes back against McCool and makes a tag to Mickie.  Beth knocks both Mickie and Michelle down before leaving the ring.  McCool gets a tag to Layla, who goes to pin the downed James and the Woman’s Champion counters into a roll up for the victory.

Rating:  Fail

Winners:  Beth Phoenix and Mickie James

Ok, WWE, you’ve had a couple of weeks now to try and impress me with your so-called Woman’s Division and you’ve fallen flat.  The match at the Royal Rumble Failed as did this one in my opinion.  I know these women can wrestle, I’ve seen it.  So, why not let them showcase their skills?  After seeing a Shimmer DVD, the WWE just falls flat.  For that sake, I hope Serena Deebs never gets into the hunt for the Woman’s Championship, especially if they won’t let her showcase her in-ring skills.

In hopes of bringing things back up, it’s time for World Up with Cryme Tyme.  The world of the day is King.  King:  Supreme, above the rest, without equal, loved and respected by all peeps and peers.  Shad is glad the word is King in Memphis Tennessee and the two talk about BB King, the King of Blues, and of course, The King, Elvis Presley.  And you can’t talk about Kings in Memphis without talking about Jerry “The King” Lawler.  And Word Up ends with Cryme Tyme saying Lawler is taking them to see Puppies.  With the PG Initiative at the WWE, does this mean they’re going to the pet store?

Elimination Chamber Qualifier
Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Well, Rey Mysterio lost his title opportunity at the Royal Rumble, but he gets another chance against Dolph Ziggler.  This is the final Qualification Match to set the state for Smackdown’s Elimination Chamber.  Ziggler is all over the masked man as he tries to hold Rey to the mat.  The Ultimate Underdog uses his speed and luchadore background to fight out of the possible pinning predicament.  Rey does not look like he’s in peak condition following his match against Taker and Ziggler has the masked wrestler scouted from their match last year for the Intercontinental Championship.  Overall, though, the match is pretty even, both taking their turns with the advantage.  Rey tries several times to quicken the pace and Ziggler shows excellent prowess with several counters to springboards and fast paced moves by the Ultimate Underdog.  Ziggler looks for a belly to back suplex or some variant, but Mysterio counters into a roll up for the win.  Dolph looks for some revenge, but gets a 619 for his troubles.

Rating:  **

Winner:  Rey Mysterio

Well, the Road to WrestleMania stops in the Elimination Chamber.  And now both Raw and Smackdown’s Main Events for the PPV are set.  For Smackdown, the World Heavyweight Champion Undertaker will be inside the monstrous structure with Chris Jericho, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, and Rey Mysterio.  As I predicted earlier, I see Chris Jericho walking out of the Elimination Chamber with another World Championship around is waist to add more heat to his budding rivalry with the returning Edge.

After seven months on the shelf with a ruptured Achilles tendon, Edge comes back to the Smackdown ring for The Cutting Edge to close out this edition of the Friday night program.  He starts off the program telling us he’s glad to be back home and how he defied the odds by coming back months earlier than doctors predicted.  Now he’s headed to WrestleMania where he’ll either get to face The Undertaker (for the time being) or Sheamus depending on which title he decides to go after.  Last Monday, Sheamus got in the face of Edge who got speared out of his boots for his troubles.  Before the Rated R Superstar can continue, however, Chris Jericho comes down to the ring to make trouble.  Chris gets in Edge’s face once more, saying that he didn’t deserve to win the Royal Rumble.  Edge threw Jericho over the top rope, however, which proved that Jericho didn’t deserve to win.  Chris claims to be the Face of Smackdown once more, but Edge countered that with his return, he is now the Face of Smackdown.  Edge is sick of hearing Jericho claiming to be the best in the world at what he does.  He intends to make Jericho eat his words.  The Straight-Edge Society is next to come out and interrupt the party.  Punk gets a chorus of ‘You Suck” but he reminds us that he does not, because he’s better than everybody.  But the big picture is not about Chris Jericho and Edge, it’s not about the Elimination Chamber, it’s about The Undertaker.  Out of the three of them, Punk claims to have a bigger, more glamorous spotlight against the Undertaker, being the first superstar in WWE history to make Taker tap out.  He’s also the first to challenge the WWE Universe to live “One Nation, Under Punk, Indivisible with Integrity and Sobriety for all.”  This is further proof that he’s better than everyone because he’s Straight-Edge.  He proclaims that he will become for first four time Straight-Edge Champion.  Then, the bell tolls, the lights go out and when the return, Taker is in the ring.  He fights off Punk and Edge fights off Jericho.  Taker and Edge stare each other down with the Rated R Superstar motioning to his waist to signify where the World Heavyweight Championship will go following WrestleMania XXIV.  That’s it for Smackdown this week.  The table is set for Elimination Chamber and the next couple of weeks should be exciting as the tension flares up between Chris Jericho and Edge.

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After the ECW opening video, we see that William Regal is in the ring. He lets us know that it is his honor to introduce us to our next ECW Champion, Ezekiel Jackson. Jackson comes to the ring as we recap the end of last week’s show. Jackson then proceeds to cut a terrible promo. I wonder who wrote it. More importantly, how long did it take Jackson to memorize it? Jackson uses some Bible quotes. The “Only JESUS Saves” sign guy probably loves it.

Right when Ezekiel finishes his last sentence, Christian’s music hits. What great timing! I’m beginning to think this stuff isn’t real. Christian lets us know that he enjoys Biblical quotes too, seeing as he is Christian. He then pulls a Pulp Fiction (Ya know, when Samuel L. does that awesome Ezekiel passage before killing peeps?). However, he switches it up a bit in a way only he can. We eventually get down to the fact that last week was 2-on-1, but this week Christian has evened the score. Cue Kane! This tag team match is next. Wait! I thought this was the main event. WTF?

We’re back from break, and we find out that the match started during the break. SERIOUSLY!?! Regal and Christian started out. Pretty good wrestling going on before Regal tags in Jackson. Christian tags in Kane, and now we’ve got the typical big man v. big man fighting where they can’t take each other down. I’ve completely tuned out the commentary guys. I know one of them is Josh Matthews, but the other guy is so terrible I forget his name on purpose. We get some ringside action including some high flying from Christian. It’s break time. When we come back, Jackson and Regal start taking control of the match. Christian is being completely manhandled here. However, he finally gets to hot tag to Kane. Kane starts taking it to Regal with a sea of punches. Real talk: Do they just do the same four tag matches over and over in WWE or what? Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Jackson attacks him from behind. Kane takes care it by launching Christian on to Jackson after a tag. Christian goes for a Killswitch on Regal as Kane and Jackson fight outside. Reversed, Regal goes for the knee, reversed into a Killswitch. However, as Christian was turning Regal around, Regal made the tag to Jackson. Jackson hits a rather weak chokeslam on Christian, pins him, one, two, three. Jackson pins the ECW Champion! This makes things interesting for the Rumble.

The crowd was kind of into the match, more so than most ECW matches. Josh and the other guy let us know the main event tonight is a six-man tag match. It’ll be Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, and Hurricane going up against Trent Barreta, Caylen Croft, and Zack Ryder. But first, we’re going to break!

Hey, we’re back from break for a Royal Rumble rundown. That’s a waste of five minutes. Shelton Benjamin is in the back, and he’s letting us know that he is going to win the Rumble. That’d be a shocker. Vance Archer attacks him out of nowhere! He has the worst fake tan I’ve ever seen, and I watch Jersey Shore. “Hopes and dreams are all Shelton has, ‘cause that? That’s reality.” Thanks, Vance. Thanks. It’s time to go to break, of course.

It’s main event time. Already? Seriously? That’s just fantastic. [/sarcasm] Zack Ryder comes to the ring with Rosa. How does anyone find Rosa attractive? We recap last week when Ryder did that whole “Heart and Soul Superhero of ECW” bit with the ring announcer and Hurricane saved the day. Hey, guess what time it is? You guessed it! BREAK TIME! It’s an hour show, Vince. Book it better. Just saying.

After the break we see that Trent “The Situation” Barreta and Caylen Croft are chilling in the ring with Zack Ryder. Hurricane, Goldust, and Yoshi all come to the ring with their own music. The match is underway, with Croft and Goldust starting out. The vet takes control, tags in Hurricane. Ryder gets the tag too. Some nice action happens here, and Ryder gets thrown over the top rope. That won’t win him the Rumble on Sunday. Barreta and Croft try to come into the ring, but Goldust and Yoshi do the same. Barreta and Croft bail outside to hang out with Ryder and get a good action plan. We go to break.

The action has picked it up as we come back. It’s still a very standard match though. The crowd isn’t as into as they were the tag match earlier. I guess the only good thing about this match was the way it ended. Yoshi hit a spinning kick off the top onto Barreta. He went for the pin, but Ryder broke it up. All six men are in the ring battling it out. Ryder and Hurricane get thrown out. Croft and Barreta go to double team Goldust, but he knocks Croft out of the way. Yoshi hits The Kick on Barreta. Three count. We end the show with Yoshi, Hurricane, and Goldust celebrating in the ring. Is it just me, or does Yoshi act like he just won the World Series every single time he wins a match?

This week’s show was pretty lackluster. The match order was whack, the matches weren’t anything to write home about, and I’m barely interested in the ECW Title match at the Rumble. Something needs to change on this brand, and I don’t really know if WWE is aware of that.